


Dust Monkey

by TiffanyF



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Domestic Violence, M/M, ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2017-12-16 14:34:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 54
Words: 46,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/863113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiffanyF/pseuds/TiffanyF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers season 6 Chain Reaction. There's a reason that Frank calls Ryan "dust monkey" and it's not just to annoy him. They're in a relationship, one that Ryan is starting to doubt. Events lead Ryan to Horatio's house and a different future.</p>
<p>Note that I've taken dialogue from the episode to start this out. Opening dialogue is not mine and I don't claim it as original. Also don't make any money from this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ryan sighed when he caught sight of Frank Tripp standing in the jail's visitation room. "Hey there, Frank," he said. "Please tell me there's a good reason you dragged me to this charming little establishment."

"Besides the amazing joy I get from knowing you've been inconvienced, I need you to do something for me," Frank said.

"Okay, what is that?"

"We need to find out who LeBrock is giving orders to on the outside," Frank replied. "Maybe he had one of his goons kill his wife for him. Now I've been checking the jail's visitation logs....."

"Okay, so you need help reading," Ryan interjected.

Frank just stared at him for a minute. "That's cute," he said dryly. "Aside from Alicia he's had only one visitor, which is a guy named Scott Garnett."

"Okay, so why exactly do you need me to be here?" Ryan asked.

"Scott Garnett doesn't exit, the address and phone number are fake. Now he met with LeBrock here shortly after Alicia left," Frank said. "So I need you, my favorite little dust monkey, to lift prints off of visitor stall number four."

Ryan was stunned. "Yeah, but there's going to be dozens of prints over there," he protested.

"Yeah, which means you'd better get busy."  
****

When Ryan got home at the end of his shift, his mind was still spinning over what had happened at the jail. He'd watched Tripp's eyes and hadn't seen a flicker, not a hint of emotion, and it bothered him. Ryan wasn't stupid enough to think that he was anything more than an experiment, but it would've been nice to know there were some feelings involved in what they were doing.

"Hey, you're late," Frank commented when Ryan walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I had a couple of errands to run after work," Ryan replied. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to put some beer in the fridge, order dinner and hang my uniform in the closet," Frank said. "Hope pizza is okay."

"That sounds fine," Ryan said. "I'm going to take a shower."

Ryan half hoped that Frank would grab him and kiss him. Ryan liked kissing, and hadn't been able to kiss Frank yet. But he didn't. Ryan bit back a sigh and trudged to the bathroom. He and Frank had been, whatever their relationship was, for about four months and Ryan was getting tired of not knowing where he stood.

He didn't think it was too much to ask to know if he was even in a relationship or not. Ryan had a feeling that Frank was having a bit of a sexual identity crisis and Ryan was the only one who was willing - or stupid enough - to sleep with him. He finished stripping off his clothes and stepped under the hot water with a soft moan.

Ryan loved shower sex. He loved being able to play around in bed. He loved being able to kiss and cuddle his lover; and Frank wouldn't have any of that. He insisted on being in bed with the lights off with Ryan on his stomach. No matter how many times Ryan tried to talk to Frank about it, he was shut down. He knew it wasn't healthy and, if the night didn't turn out the way he was hoping it would, he was going to end the relationship.

The main problem he was facing was actually restraining Frank as the other man was larger than he was and knew more dirty tricks to get people under control. Ryan knew that he couldn't mention any of his plans to Frank because the other man wouldn't want to try it, and Ryan would never drug someone. He also didn't want Frank to wear himself out first because that would spoil everything too.

A knock at the door startled Ryan out of his thoughts. "Hey Ryan, dinner's here," Frank said through the door.

"Okay, I'll be right out," Ryan called.

It was almost as if Frank was scared to see Ryan naked. That had to be it. If he didn't have to see Ryan when they were in bed, then he didn't have to admit that he was sleeping with another man. With a small sigh, he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist. Maybe he'd start simple and not wear a top out to eat supper. It was his apartment, after all, and Ryan could do whatever he wanted. Ryan was starting to think that the relationship wasn't the best thing in the world anyway.

"What took you so long?" Frank asked once Ryan settled into his recliner.

"I don't like jails and prisons and always shower as soon as I can," Ryan said. "Not to mention I spent several hours bent over a computer working those prints I collected."

"Heard you found the print that broke the case," Frank said.

"Yeah, you had a good idea to check the prints," Ryan said. He took a bite of his pizza and closed his eyes. "I just wish there was a way to get Kyle out of there and with Horatio. The kid needs a strong parent figure, not jail."

Frank snorted. "Kid broke the law. Much as I hate to see Horatio's son in jail, rules are rules."

Ryan thought back to an argument he'd had with Calleigh when he'd first started at the lab. She'd mentioned that she had professional and personal views on things and, when she was on the clock, no matter what her personal view was, she went with the professional one. He wondered it Frank had the same thing. "Is that your professional or personal opinion?" he asked.

"Just my opinion," Frank replied. "No reason to break it into sections, gets too confusing and you could slip up at work and then you'd really be in trouble."

"I've learned the hard way to keep my personal feelings to myself," Ryan said.

"No denying you've had a rough go of it," Frank said. "Hell, some officers think the CSIs are cursed 'cause you guys all get hurt so much."

"If caring about the victims is a curse, then yeah, we are," Ryan replied. "Horatio's a good role model and we all follow his lead."

Frank stared at him for a minute. "What's got you so touchy tonight?" he asked.

"It's nothing," Ryan sighed. "I guess I'm just tired. I think I'm going to go to bed. See you tomorrow."  
***

Ryan was able to fake being asleep when Frank came to bed so he didn't have to do anything. He wished he'd had the nerve to end things with Frank, but he didn't. Ryan knew he would have to talk with the other man, but he wanted to do it when he was feeling more settled and emotions weren't running quite as high in his own mind. 

He jumped when he felt Frank touch his hip. "Huh, Frank, what?"

"Roll over," Frank said.

"Not tonight, Frank," Ryan sighed. He pushed up when he felt the press on his hip. "Frank, no."

"Come on, Ryan," Frank said. "It'll help you relax and sleep better, you know that."

"No, Frank," Ryan said, sitting up. "I'm tired and I hurt. All I want to do is sleep. If you're not going to let me do that, then go home."

He could feel Frank staring at him even in the dark, but wasn't expecting the slap and couldn't stop his head slamming into the headboard. Ryan blinked one and started to fight back. Frank was bigger than he was, but that didn't mean he was going to just give in to whatever the other man wanted. He felt the bone in his left arm snap when he finally managed to get away from Frank, and fell out of the bed. Ryan didn't even think about it, he grabbed his keys and ran.


	2. Chapter 2

Horatio was doing some paperwork in his home office when he thought he heard a knock on his front door. It was faint and he wasn't sure, but he grabbed his gun and started down the hall to see what was wrong. He checked out the peephole and didn't see anyone standing there. With a deep breath, he opened the door slowly and Ryan fell into the hallway.

"Ryan," Horatio said, kneeling down quickly. "Hey, can you hear me?"

"Attacked," Ryan said.

"Okay, Ryan, okay, I've got you," Horatio said. "Let's get you to the hospital and get you taken care of." He grabbed his holster, ID and keys. "Can you walk, Ryan?"

"Dizzy."

Head injury then. Horatio knew he wouldn't be able to carry Ryan far, but he had the Hummer in the driveway and thought he could make it without too much trouble, but he'd have to be careful. "I'm going to pick you up, Ryan. I need you to hang onto me and don't move, okay," Horatio said. He slipped his arms under Ryan's back and knees and stood carefully. "Okay, here we go. Stay with me, Ryan."

"H, sorry," Ryan said.

"Don't be sorry, Ryan," Horatio said softly. "Don't ever be sorry for asking for help. That's what I'm here for. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"K."

Horatio braced Ryan against the Hummer while he opened the passenger door and then settled the younger man into the seat. "I've got to go lock my door, Ryan. I'll be right back," he said. "You'll be safe in here. I'm going to lock you in, you're safe."

He had no idea who could have attacked Ryan. Horatio had overheard Ryan saying that he was planning to go home and go right to bed because his back was hurting him. He didn't know if Ryan had been grabbed on his way home or if there was some small piece of information he was missing. Horatio locked his house, set his security codes and hurried back to the Hummer. He wanted to get Ryan to the hospital as quickly as he could. Just before he pulled out, he grabbed his phone and made one call.  
***

"H, what happened?" Eric asked when he and Calleigh found Horatio in the hospital waiting area.

"I'm not sure," Horatio replied. "Ryan showed up on my doorstep badly beaten and barely conscious. The doctors are still running some tests, but they've been out once to ask if Ryan is in a relationship. I had to admit that I didn't know. Do you?"

"Relationship, no, I don't," Eric said. "He hasn't mentioned anyone. Why would they need to know that?"

"They found slight signs of anal trauma," Horatio said softly. "Not enough that Ryan was raped, but enough to indicate the possibility of a relationship."

Eric frowned. "You're thinking domestic abuse," he said softly.

"You know what, I am," Horatio said. "That's why I wanted you here, Eric. I'm going to talk to Ryan and find out who he is dating and then go talk with them. I need someone I trust to stay here with Ryan and guard him."

"Yeah, no problem," Eric said. "Anyone tries to hurt Ryan again, they're going through me."

"Lieutenant Caine."

"Yes, Doctor, how is he?" Horatio asked.

The doctor sighed. "His head impacted something hard enough to cause a hairline fracture in the skull by his right ear. There's also a severe concussion, bruising and a badly broken arm," he said. "Ryan's been through a lot tonight. He's awake at the moment if you want to talk with him, but we've got him on some medication for pain that won't put him at risk."

"I'd like to see him, please," Horatio said. "This is Eric Delko, one of my people. He's going to stay and guard Ryan just to be safe. We don't know who attacked him and I don't want to take any chances. Doctor, are there any signs of previous abuse or violence?"

"Some faded bruises on his hips and several healing bite marks," the doctor said. "Those could just be the result of rough sex."

"Or they could be the result of someone using one of my people," Horatio said. "Thank you, doctor."

"Of course, this way," the doctor said. "You did well to get him here as fast as you did, lieutenant. With that head injury, I'm surprised he was able to function enough to escape."

"Ryan has a strong will to survive," Horatio said softly. "We all do. Eric, give me a minute alone with him, okay?"

Eric nodded. "I'll be right here," he said. "Let him know I'm here for him."

"I will." Horatio slipped into the room and over to the bed. "Ryan?"

"H?"

"Yeah, hey," Horatio said. "They tell me you're a fighter, Ryan. That's something I already knew, but I'm glad you didn't give in."

"You need to know who," Ryan said.

"Can you tell me?" Horatio asked.

"Embarassing."

Horatio took Ryan's hand in his. "Ryan, you can tell me anything you want and I will never judge you for it," he said. "You know that. Let me go find who did this to you and talk to them, okay?"

"Don't want to press charges," Ryan said.

"Okay, Ryan, okay. That's your choice and you don't have to," Horatio said. "I promise that I won't arrest them. I'll just talk with them and let them know that you're one of mine and I protect my own."

A tear fell down Ryan's cheek. Horatio reached out and wiped it away carefully. "Thank you," Ryan whispered. "It was Frank."

"Frank Tripp?" Horatio asked. He was very careful not to let the surprise leak into his voice.

"Yeah. Should still be at my place," Ryan said.

"I'll go find out," Horatio said. "Eric's here, Ryan, and he's going to sit with you. You have the two of us behind you no matter what. No matter what, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan murmured.

Horatio squeezed Ryan's hand. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Ryan," he said. "You rest." He settled Ryan's hand back on the bed and slipped out of the room. "Eric, he said it was Frank."

"Tripp?" Eric asked.

"Yes, so now I want to know what's going on," Horatio replied. "Stay with him, Eric. I'll be back when I have some answers."


	3. Chapter 3

Horatio didn't know what to think. He'd been friends with Frank Tripp for a long time and had never seen anything that indicated that Frank would be violent in a personal relationship. The man had a temper, but he controlled it well. He sighed and knocked on the door to Ryan's apartment.

"Horatio?"

"Frank," Horatio said, slipping his phone into his pocket. "Can I come in?"

"Ryan's not home," Frank replied, stepping back to let Horatio into the apartment. "I don't know where he is."

"I do, Frank," Horatio said. "He came to me when he ran out of here fearing for his life. So why don't you make this easy and show me your hands, Frank."

"Huh?"

Blue eyes pinned him. "Your hands, Tripp, right now," Horatio said softly. There was an undercurrent of menace in his tone that was usually directed at suspects. "You'll want to get that bite treated. Human bites get infected easily. Now, why don't you tell me why you beat one of my people badly enough that he could have died."

"Horatio, I don't know what you're talking about," Frank said.

"Let me see if I can help you out a little then," Horatio said. "You have been sleeping with Ryan Wolfe for at least several months according to the doctor's estimates. You have, at times held him tightly enough to cause severe bruising on his hips and have bitten him hard enough to leave faint scars on his back." Horatio looked up and caught Frank's eyes. "Tonight you beat him badly enough that he has a skull fracture. If he hadn't come to me he would have died, Frank, and you would be facing homicide charges instead of me."

Frank sat down on the sofa, head in his hands. "I don't know what happened," he said. "One minute he's saying he doesn't want sex and the next he's running."

"He said no, Frank," Horatio said. "You know as well as I do that no means no. It means stop and do not continue and just because Ryan is a man rather than a woman, it doesn't lose it's meaning when it comes to his body. Would you have held him down and raped him tonight if he hadn't run away? You chased him out of his own home, Tripp. The one place where he should be able to feel safe. You put him in the hospital."

"I really don't know what happened," Frank said, looking up. "Horatio, you know me and you know I'm not violent."

"Apparently you are, Frank," Horatio said. "You know that abuse comes in many different forms, so now, I want to know how long you've been abusing your boyfriend."

"I haven't been abusing anyone, Horatio," Frank exclaimed.

"The evidence says otherwise," Horatio said softly. "Ryan, before he fell asleep, told me that he doesn't want to press charges against you, so I am going to honor that wish, Frank. I'm going to listen to him because he's suffered enough and doesn't need any more pain at work. So, now, you are going to clear all of your things out of his apartment, leave the key he gave you on the kitchen counter and you are going to leave. Ryan is under my personal protection and you are not going near him, Frank. I don't care what excuse you have, what story you tell, if I find out you've been near Ryan then you and I are going to talk again and you will not like the outcome from that conversation."

"Are you threatening me, Horatio?" Frank asked.

Horatio smiled. "No, Frank, I'm not," he said. "I'm warning you and you had better listen because right now one of mine is lying in a hospital and might never be the same again, and you put him there. That's a betrayal I cannot overlook. Ever."

"Horatio, you've got to give me a chance to make this right," Frank said. "I really do love the little dust monkey."

"You've got an odd way of showing it," Horatio said. He caught Frank's eye with his and held it. "You don't come near him, Detective Tripp, and you be very grateful that this goes no farther than me."

"Horatio....."

"Save it for your conscious," Horatio said. "Last time, Frank. Stay away or you will face me again."


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, I'm going to run out and get us something to eat," Calleigh said. She'd been hanging in the background, ready to take things to the lab to process if Ryan wanted to press charges, and then standing in the hallway outside Ryan's door. "Horatio's coming down the hall."

"All right, thanks Cal," Eric said.

"Nothing heavy, please Calleigh," Horatio added, slipping in the door. "Thank you for being here."

Calleigh smiled. "Nowhere else I'd rather be," she said. "Horatio, I wanted to call Alexx, but wanted to wait until you were here."

"Go ahead and give her a call. Don't give her details, Calleigh, I don't want this getting out in the department, but let her know Ryan's here," Horatio said.

"Okay. See you guys in a bit."

Eric looked up from the other side of Ryan's bed. "What'd Frank have to say?" he asked when they were alone.

"That he didn't know what happened," Horatio replied with a sigh. He moved the guest chair so his back wouldn't be to the door and sat down. "I warned him to stay away from Ryan, Eric, but I don't know if he's going to listen to me or not. This could get messy very quickly."

"Yeah, especially if Stetler finds out," Eric said.

"I'll handle him if he does," Horatio said. "What else has the doctor said?"

"They got some more tests back," Eric said. "I didn't understand a lot of it, but I'm sure Alexx will and can explain it better. He's got a severe concussion and they're worried about permanent damages."

"Only time will tell us on that one," Horatio sighed. "What else?"

"The broken bone in his arm nicked a blood vessel and they had to go in and patch it up. They put a metal bar in there while they were working to help the bone heal better," Eric said. "He's got severe bruising on his upper body, but no other broken bones. The doctor said there's a possibility of sprains or muscle tears, but we won't know until Ryan is a little more mobile."

Horatio nodded. "What's giving you the problems?"

"The stuff about what's going on in his head," Eric said. "I know I should be better with talking about the brain, but my doctors always dumb it down for me so I don't have to struggle through it."

"It's okay, Eric, I'll talk with them and you know Alexx will too," Horatio said. "Right now the best thing we can do is be here for him."

"Try and drag me away," Eric said. "How are we going to be doing this, H?"

"I'm going to field things from here," Horatio said. "Calleigh can take care of most things at the lab for a week. I'll come in if you absolutely need me to, but then I'll need you or Calleigh to be here. Frank said he wanted to make things right, Eric, and to do that he needs to be able to be in the same room as Ryan."

"Not happening," Eric said.

"Which is why one of us is staying with him until he's able to go home," Horatio said. "It's not going to be easy, but even if we tell the hospital that Ryan is off-limits to everyone but us and the girls, Frank could still manage to sneak in here. I don't want to post a patrol officer because Frank could pull rank on him."

Eric sighed. "We'll be fine at work, H," he said. "Ryan needs you here, especially when he's more awake and we find out exactly how badly he's been hurt."

"I think it's going to be worse than we're thinking, Eric," Horatio said. "We don't know how badly Frank was treating him, and we won't until Ryan is able to tell us about it."

"Tell you, you mean," Eric said. "I'll be here if he needs to talk, H, but I think that he's not going to be able to talk with anyone but you and maybe Alexx."

"What I want to know, Eric, is if Frank is the reason Ryan was in so much pain today at the end of his shift," Horatio said. "There's something not right in my lab, Eric, and I'm going to make sure that I get to the bottom of this. No one hurts my people and gets away with it."


	5. Chapter 5

"Where's my baby boy?" Alexx asked as she walked into the hospital room. "Horatio, who hurt him so badly?"

"Alexx, this, this is going to be complicated," Horatio replied. "Eric, give us a minute, please. Here Alexx, sit down. Ryan came to me tonight when his boyfriend assaulted and tried to rape him. You'll have to talk with his doctor for all the details, but they're worried about possible brain damage."

"His boyfriend did this?" Alexx asked. "Horatio, tell me you know who it is and you're going to take care of it."

"I do and I have, but Ryan regained consciousness long enough to tell me he doesn't want to press charges, Alexx. He doesn't want to press charges because it will cause problems at work and I have to agree that it's probably better to let me handle things," Horatio said. "The man will not get away with this, I promise you that."

Alexx looked up, eyes flashing. "One of ours did this, Horatio?" she demanded. "Who was it?"

"Alexx..."

"No, Horatio Caine, you give me a name," Alexx said. "I won't make trouble at work, but I want to know who hurt my boy so bad."

Horatio sighed. "Frank Tripp."

"Frank did this?" Alexx asked. "He comes near me or Ryan any time soon and he's gonna find out exactly how pissed off I am about this. Now, what's the doctor said, Horatio? What do we need to be doing?"

It was almost enough to make him feel sorry for Frank. "I haven't spoken directly with the doctor, Alexx, but Eric did and told me that the head injury is causing them the most concern at this point," Horatio said. "I'd feel better if you were able to talk with the doctors and find out exactly what's going on. Eric said most of it was beyond his understanding."

"Of course, let me take see if I can find someone," Alexx said. "You're staying with him, Horatio?"

"Ryan won't be out of my sight unless Eric or Calleigh is here, Alexx," Horatio said. "I've spoken with Frank and told him to stay away from Ryan, but I'm worried he's not going to listen. This needs to stay in the family, Alexx. I don't want any word of this getting out at work."

"Okay," Alexx said. "I'll be careful what I say, but I mean it. That man had better stay away from me and my babies. He doesn't know how upset a momma can get when her babies are hurt, does he?"

"I don't believe so," Horatio said. "Thank you for coming over, Alexx. It means a lot."

"We have to keep an eye on our family, Horatio," Alexx said. "I'll go find the doctor and fill you guys in."

Horatio nodded. "Thank you, Alexx," he said. 

Eric waited until Alexx was down the hall before slipping back into the room. "Y'know, that's almost enough to make me feel a little sorry for Frank," he said softly.

"I know exactly what you mean, Eric," Horatio replied. He sat back down and carefully picked up Ryan's hand. "But not enough to make me care what happens to him."

"Yeah," Eric said. He put a hand on Horatio's shoulder and squeezed. "We'll get him through this, H."

"I hope so, Eric," Horatio said. "I hope so."


	6. Chapter 6

"Has there been any changes?" Calleigh asked, shutting the door behind her. She handed Eric a brown paper bag and Horatio a cup of soup.

"No," Eric replied. "Alexx is talking with the doctors, but I think they're going to tell her that Ryan needs sleep and to be monitored for a while."

Horatio sighed. "Calleigh, I need you to take lead at the lab for the next week for me," he said. "You heard who Ryan named as his attacker and I don't want him left here alone until we're sure that Frank is going to listen to me."

She nodded. "Easy enough, if anyone asks, I'll tell them you're taking a week to spend time with an old friend," Calleigh said. "You know that you taking time off is going to make a lot of people curious though, right?"

"I do, and I trust you to handle it with your usual grace," Horatio said. "Eric has offered to come in and sit with Ryan if anything major comes up that you guys can't deal with on your own. I'm not involving patrol because Frank outranks them and he could get in here."

"That makes sense," Calleigh said. "Alexx."

"Hey sugar," Alexx said. "I spoke with the doctor, Horatio, and he said that there's significant swelling in Ryan's head right now. The skull fracture didn't splinter, there's no bone fragments that can do more damage to the brain, but if the swelling doesn't decrease naturally, they're going to operate."

"Bottom line, Alexx," Horatio said.

"It all depends on Ryan," Alexx said. "Injuries like this can be enough to cripple someone for life, but I've seen patients battle back and totally blow every expectation the doctors had for them away. Ryan's strong, he's smart, and he's young. Those are all factors in his favor, but it's possible that he could suffer brain damage. That's true with any injury to the head."

Horatio nodded. "What's better for him right now, Alexx? Letting him sleep through or trying to wake him up every hour and seeing how alert he is?"

"They doctors want to let him rest as long as he can, so they'll take care of that," Alexx said. "I told them that you'd be here, so they're going to arrange for another bed to be brought in so you can nap if you want to. It's not the first time they've had a victim of domestic abuse here, and sadly, it won't be the last."

"Very true," Horatio said. "I need all of you to be as normal at work tomorrow as you possibly can be. Don't treat Frank any differently than you would have this morning. We have to make sure that no one finds out about this."

"It'll be hard, H," Eric said with a sigh.

"I know it will, Eric, but I trust you all to do the right thing for Ryan," Horatio said. "Let me know if any rumors start up in the lab or in the department, please. Also, Eric, I need you to pay extra attention to what's being said around the lab. I want to know how we all missed this for so long."

"Ryan never says much about himself," Calleigh pointed out.

"He doesn't, but I also haven't noticed his behavior changing at work," Horatio said. "I guess the bottom line is that I'm curious if this is a first time incident or if Frank has hurt Ryan before and we just didn't notice it."

"The doctors said there weren't any signs of abuse," Alexx commented.

"But we all know that abuse comes in many different forms," Horatio said. "Ultimately it will be Ryan's choice to tell us what he's been through, if he can, but I want to be sure that we're not missing anything else, okay?"

Eric nodded. "I get your meaning, H," he said. "I'll take care of it for you."

"Thank you, Eric," Horatio said. "I'm going to stay with Ryan. You all go and get as much sleep as you can. I need all of you in top form tomorrow for me. Thank you all for coming for Ryan. It means a lot."

"We wouldn't be anywhere else," Alexx said. "You call me if anything changes, Horatio."

"I will, Alexx." Horatio looked back at Ryan. "I will."


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh, how did I just know this was going to happen?" Eric muttered as he walked towards the crime scene the next morning.

"What's that, Eric?" Natalia asked, looking over.

"Nothing," Eric replied. "Sorry, late night. Tripp, what are we looking at?"

Frank paused for a minute before answering. "Two bodies found by a group of teenagers out wading," he said. "Bodies were weighed down, holding them under the water. Kids are talking with patrol, some of them are pretty shook up. They stepped on them."

"Wow, okay, I'll go see what Alexx has to say," Natalia said, ducking under the tape. "Delko, you think it's worth you going in to see what you can find?"

"Might be, I'll see how deep the water is," Eric replied.

"Delko, hang on a second," Frank said. He lowered his voice. "How's Ryan?"

Eric put down his kit and put his hands in his pockets. "Tripp, the only reason I'm talking to you today is because Horatio asked me to. He doesn't want any of this getting out around work, but I'm fighting the urge to beat you as badly as you did Ryan last night," he hissed. "I'll work with you because I have to, but don't expect too much else. Got it?"

"Even without hearing my side of the story?" Frank asked.

"You put Ryan in the hospital in a coma," Eric said. He made sure his voice was low enough that no one would be able to hear it. "You tried to rape him. No, I don't want to hear your side of the story because if you were anyone else, you'd already be in holding while we sorted out the evidence. You're a cop, Frank, but right now, in my eyes, you're no better than any rapist I ever arrested." He picked up his kit and went under the crime scene tape before Frank could say another word. "Alexx."

"Hey baby," Alexx said. "The patrol guys told me the water is just over fifty feet, there's a sudden drop so those kids got lucky."

"All right, guess I'm getting wet," Eric grinned. He didn't add that it would give him a chance to feel clean after talking to Frank.

Alexx glanced up and nodded. She didn't need to hear the words to know what Eric was thinking.  
***

Natalia was waiting when Eric came up from his dive. "Hey, what did you find?" she called.

"Personal effects, I think," Eric replied. He caught the lip of the drop and pushed himself up. "I don't know if we'll be able to find any evidence of the killers on them or not, the plastic bags were weighted with rocks and they were all the way at the bottom. Both bags were flooded with water."

"Have to dry the things out, maybe we can at least get an ID," Natalia said. "You want to tell me what's going on between you and Frank?"

"I don't know what you mean," Eric said. He took the towel she held out and started to dry his hair. "Thanks."

"No problem. I don't know how you can stand to dive in some of these canals."

Eric laughed. "You sound like Speedle," he said. "He always gave me crap about coating my body in the crap that's in the water. I could never get close enough to splash him though. I tried."

"Wish I could have known him," Natalia said.

"I do too," Eric said. "Come on, let's get back to the lab and see what Alexx has managed to find for us. Hopefully the cause of death wasn't impacted by being in the water for as long as they were."

"It didn't look good."

"It never does."  
****

Horatio checked his watch and put down the case file he was reading. He was speaking to Ryan about cases and life, but he made it a point every thirty minutes to make physical contact with the younger man. Horatio stood up and took Ryan's hand carefully in his own. "I just heard from Eric that there's a new case at the lab, Ryan," he said softly. "It sounds like one you would enjoy working with him. Two bodies found in one of the canals by teens wading. I think those teens got lucky, Eric told me they had a few gators swim past while they were processing the scene. He got to go diving and two spotters and you know how much he enjoys being in the water. Alexx is still working on the bodies and it sounds like they have some sort of a hit to investigate. That means you'll probably have Eric and Calleigh here for a while because I'll have to go field the mob yet again. I wonder which group it is this time?"

"Lieutenant Caine."

"Good afternoon, doctor," Horatio said with a smile. "There hasn't been any change since this morning."

"It's good that you're talking to him and touching him," the doctor said. He moved to the other side of the bed and started to check Ryan over. "We're going to take him down and do a few scans to check the swelling in his brain. It'll be a chance for you to go out and make some calls if you need to. There hasn't been any sign of his attacker, has there?"

"Ryan named his attacker and I went to speak with him last night," Horatio said. "The man knows that if he shows up here, if he comes near Ryan, he will have me to deal with and that is not an idle threat."

"Good. I don't want Ryan to be stressed about anything. You told him about that?"

"I did. He didn't react, but I believe he has heard every word I've said to him," Horatio said. "Thank you for allowing me to stay with him."

The doctor looked up with a smile. "I feel safer having you here," he said. "Our security is good, but for a case such as this, when the attacker is still loose, I always worry that security might not be enough to stop anything."

Horatio nodded. "That is why I'm not leaving until Ryan does," he said. "He is also very welcome to come home with me to recover. He is one of mine, doctor, and I keep my people safe."


	8. Chapter 8

"Lieutenant Caine."

"Doctor?"

"The scans show that there's a hematoma developing between Ryan's skull and brain," the doctor said. "We're going to have to operate to reduce the fluid and also put a drain in. Do you know who his next of kin is?"

Horatio paused. "I don't," he finally said. "I can find out for you."

"If you would," the doctor said. "It'll take us about half an hour to get him ready for surgery and there's a risk involved with this procedure. Ryan is strong, but he's also been through a lot and that can put more of a strain on his body than we're aware of."

"Let me call the lab and have someone pull his paperwork," Horatio said. "Who do I tell?"

"Just let the duty nurse at the desk know. She'll get the information to me. We'll be moving him into ICU post-operation, but we'll waive the rules so you can be in there with him."

"Thank you," Horatio said. He started to put his files into the case Calleigh had brought for him. "Let me make the call and I'll be in the waiting room."

The doctor nodded. "I'll make sure someone keeps you updated on his progress and let you know when he's out."

Horatio sighed and closed his eyes for a minute. He hadn't been expecting Ryan to have to go back into surgery again, and a blood clot wasn't anything Alexx had mentioned when they were talking the night before. Horatio gathered up his things and headed to the waiting room. "Calleigh, it's me."

"How's Ryan?" she asked.

"They're taking him into surgery now," Horatio replied. "Calleigh, they don't have it on record here, can you check the system and find out who Ryan has listed as his next of kin or medical proxy, please?"

"Of course, one second," Calleigh said. "What's happened?"

"There was more bleeding than they thought and a blood clot is forming under his skull," Horatio said, "putting pressure on his brain. The doctor was concerned, but didn't seem overly worried. I haven't had a chance to ask what sort of impact this will have on Ryan because they're moving so quickly to get him into surgery."

"I'll let Alexx know," Calleigh said. "I'm sure she'll want to come down and talk to the doctors again. Okay, here we go. Ryan has you listed as primary medical proxy and Alexx as a second in case anything happens to you. That's sensible."

"And very Ryan," Horatio said. "I'll let the hospital staff know, but if you could send the information over to them, that would be a help."

"Sure, I'll have Eric bring it over."

"I thought Eric was working a case," Horatio said.

"He is, but he's heading out with Frank to investigate, oh, that won't work. I'm sorry, Horatio, I've got a lot on my mind. I don't know how you handle it."

He smiled. "You're doing fine, Calleigh," he said. "Talk with Alexx and ask her to bring it when she comes, okay? How's Eric doing working with Frank?"

"Oh, about as well as can be expected," Calleigh said. "We knew that one of us would pull a case with him today. I wish it had been me. Eric's tense and I'm afraid he's going to lash out again and someone will figure out that he's mad at Frank."

"Again?" Horatio asked.

"Yeah, Frank asked about Ryan at the crime scene this morning," Calleigh replied. "I don't know, Horatio, maybe we should tell him a little more about what's happening. Frank just looks lost today and it's enough to make me think that he really does love Ryan and didn't mean all of this."

"Calleigh, the only way Frank Tripp is going to be able to come near Ryan is if Ryan himself asks for it, and I will not leave them alone," Horatio said. "I don't care how upset Frank looks, he hurt one of mine and that is enough to make me question everything."

"You're the boss," Calleigh said. "I'll find a way to let Eric know what's going on when he comes back from the crime scene. I don't want him to know about this before he goes out with Frank."

"Thank you," Horatio said. "I have to let the doctors know about this update to Ryan's chart and then I'll be waiting for Ryan to come out of surgery. He'll be in ICU after this, so I won't have my cell phone on. I'll check it every hour in case you need me for anything."

"Okay, sounds good," Calleigh said. "I'll talk to you later, Horatio."

"Until later." Horatio put his phone away with a sigh. Calleigh had one of the biggest hearts in the lab, but that didn't change the fact that Frank Tripp had no business being around Ryan. He just had to hope that Calleigh wouldn't let something slip. Horatio picked up his case and went to talk with the duty nurse about updating Ryan's files.


	9. Chapter 9

"What are you doing here, Frank?"

The larger man jumped and turned around. "Damn it, Horatio, don't sneak up on me like that," he said.

"I asked you a question, Frank," Horatio said softly.

"I heard Calleigh and Eric talking about Ryan," Frank said. "About how he was back in surgery having a blood clot removed from his brain."

"A clot that you caused," Horatio said. "I told you to stay away from him, Frank. Just because Ryan doesn't want to press charges does not change the fact that you abused him and put him here. Legally I hold power for him right now and that means I get to choose who has access to him and who doesn't. You don't."

Frank ran a hand over his head and sighed. "Horatio, would you just listen to me for a minute?"

"What do you have to say for yourself, detective?"

"I told you I don't know what happened and that's the truth," Frank said in a low tone. "Ryan was off when he came home, but he said it was because his back hurt and he'd had a long day. He went to bed early, I stayed up and watched some TV. He's never told me no before when I've asked for sex. Never."

Horatio looked up at Frank, blue eyes intense. "Until last night," he said. "And that's when you should have backed off and respected his wishes. It doesn't matter if he's never said no, if he's welcomed you into his bed every night before that. The second he said no, you should have shown him that you care enough about him to respect him and left him alone. Instead you hit him hard enough that he is now in the operating room having blood and fluid drained from under his skull. One of the most outstanding men I have ever had the pleasure to know might die on a cold table alone because you didn't have the respect to listen to the word no."

"Horatio."

"No, Frank, I told you to stay away and you didn't listen to me," Horatio said. "You claim to love Ryan, but this isn't love, detective. This is control. This is power and this, Tripp, this is abuse. You see it every day when you're in the field and now you're too blind to realize that you have become one of them. You are an abuser and the only way you will ever be allowed to see Ryan Wolfe again is when he asks for you. Now, you are going to listen to me, you are going to turn around and you are going to walk out that door. You are going to be very thankful that Ryan is an honorable man who asked not to have this reported because he cares what happens to you. Then you are going to think about exactly how badly you've been hurting Ryan for your relationship, Frank, because you and I both know that one instance of abuse is rare."

"Horatio."

"I thought I knew you better than this, Frank. To find out I'd misjudged someone so badly makes me wonder if I can trust my judgement," Horatio said. "It makes me wonder if I can still do my job to the best of my ability."

Frank took a step in and lowered his voice. "I haven't been abusing Ryan for four months, Horatio."

"Step back, Frank," Horatio said. "No, Eric, I've got this. You go to the waiting room, now."

Eric walked past them and glared at Frank. Horatio didn't take his eyes off the larger man. "If you hit me, Frank, I'm not going to keep it quiet. Think hard, do you want to risk your job and your life for this?"

"No," Frank said and deflated a little. "Horatio, I love him. What do I do?"

"Go to counseling, talk to someone, but never come back," Horatio said. "Ryan will contact you, Frank, not the other way around. Leave. Now."


	10. Chapter 10

"What the hell was he doing here?" Eric asked once he and Horatio were alone. "I thought he was going to hurt you, H."

"More than he already has, you mean," Horatio replied. "Frank knows better than to try and hit me, Eric. I'm disappointed he didn't listen to me and came here, but he heard you and Calleigh talking."

Eric sat down heavily. "I don't know how, we were alone," he said. "I can't be here long, I've got to get back to the lab and process some evidence, but I wanted to check on you and see if you needed a break to go eat or something."

"I'm doing okay, Eric, thank you though," Horatio said. "It seems I'm not going to be able to go far until Ryan is ready to go home. I think Frank would just wait until he saw me leave and then try to get to Ryan. You and Calleigh are strong, Eric, but not strong enough to stand up to him. Not without problems and I really don't want to cause more stress around Ryan."

"Yeah, you're right," Eric said. "What about Alexx? Do you think he'd try anything with her here?"

"I don't know," Horatio said. He sat down next to Eric. "I don't because they don't really interact much and I don't know how Frank feels about Alexx."

"We probably shouldn't risk it then, should we?" Eric sighed. "I'll come back when my shift is over or I close my case, whichever comes first. Want me to bring you anything for dinner?"

"That would help, Eric, thank you," Horatio said. "Ryan is going to be in ICU for at least twenty-four hours, possibly longer. Because of the situation, they're going to let me stay with him so ask at the desk if you need me, okay?"

Eric nodded. "You got it, H. Take care of Ryan. We need him back at the lab."

"Yes we do, Eric. Yes we do."  
***

The surgery lasted for a little over two hours and Horatio was waiting in ICU when Ryan was brought in from recovery. "It's a one-way drain," the doctor said. "We took out the clot and closed off as many bleeders as we could find, this little guy will let us drain fluid again without having to operate. It's possible that Ryan could wake up now that all the pressure is off his brain."

"What are his chances of permanent damage, doctor?" Horatio asked.

"It's hard to say without him waking up and talking to us," the doctor replied. He logged out of the laptop and sighed. "We caught the clot early on and it didn't have much time to be putting pressure on his brain. We'll do scans in the morning, I want to give things a chance to settle down in there before we look again. The clot was on the right side of his head almost immediately over his ear. It's possible he could have trouble with his left eye and a few other things. Time is the best tool we have as long as we can keep the pressure off his brain while he's healing up. The drain can come out when we're sure clots aren't going to try and reform."

"He's left-handed," Horatio said softly.

"It could go either way."

"Doctor, you need to know that his abuser showed up while Ryan was in surgery," Horatio said. "I chased him off again, but could you please make a note and make sure all your staff is aware that Frank Tripp is not to be allowed access at any time."

"Of course," the doctor said. "I'll make sure everyone knows and they'll keep it quiet. I'm going to assume that the three friends here last night are all okay to come and see him?"

Horatio nodded. "Eric, Calleigh and Alexx," he said. 

"Dr. Woods is well-known," the doctor said. "I'll bring her up to date when I see her next."

"Thank you," Horatio said. "What do I need to do if Ryan does wake up?"

"Call the duty nurse and talk to him," the doctor said. "I think hearing your voice will help more than anything. It seems that Ryan trusts you quite a lot, Lieutenant Caine."

Horatio looked down at Ryan and smiled. "As I said, doctor, I take care of mine," he said. "They are my family and I will do anything for them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My father has had two of these blasted blood clots. One on each side of his head. It's how I know what's going to happen with Ryan as he wakes up.


	11. Chapter 11

Waking up was a slow process. He didn't hurt, that was the first thing he noticed. There was soft beeping in the background, a lot of it, and the bed he was lying in wasn't his own. He tried to blink, but only his right eye opened for him. "H?"

"Ryan, hey there," Horatio said. "Welcome back. How are you feeling?"

"Numb."

"That's the medications in your system," Horatio said. He pushed the call button on the bed and then took Ryan's hand in both of his. "You've been through two surgeries, Ryan. One for your arm and one for your head. I'm not surprised your feeling numb. Can you move for me? The doctor's going to be here to check you over soon."

Ryan squeezed Horatio's hand and managed to at least shift both his feet and his left arm. "Feel heavy, H."

"I'm not surprised, you've been through a lot." Horatio looked over when the curtain moved. "Doctor, he was able to move his hands and feet and says he feels both numb and heavy."

"That's to be expected," the doctor said. "Well now, Ryan, it's good to see you awake again. We're just going to check you over and see if you can be taken off one of your pain killers. Can you open your left eye for me?"

"No."

"Well, that's not a surprise and I think you'll be able to when you wake up next time. The lieutenant said you were able to move, let's see how strong your grip is here." The doctor took Horatio's place and took both of Ryan's hands. "Give me a squeeze? Good, that's good. I'm not going to make you sit up, but let's see if you can push against my hands here." He took Ryan's right foot in his hand and rested his palm against the bottom of the foot. "Give a push for me. Good, and the other foot now. Excellent. Well, Ryan, your vitals are right on step for where you need to be after the surgery you just went through, so I think it'll be okay to reduce one of the pain killers. How do you feel about waking up a little more?"

"Sure," Ryan said. "H staying?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Ryan," Horatio said softly. "I'm going to be right here for every step of your recovery, okay?"

The doctor moved away when Ryan started crying, letting Horatio in next to the bed. Horatio grabbed a tissue from the box on the table and started to wipe Ryan's face. "Hey now, it's okay, let it out, Ryan," he said. "You're okay, you're safe and your family loves you, Ryan. We are going to take care of you no matter what."

"So stupid, H," Ryan said.

"I'll leave you to talk," the doctor said. "Lieutenant, call me if he opens the other eye, otherwise just let him do what he wants. If he falls back asleep, that's fine. I'll be back in a bit to check on you guys."

"Thank you, doctor," Horatio said. He sat down carefully on the edge of the bed and took Ryan's hand again. "You're not stupid, Ryan. No, I know it feels like you were, but you're not. Following your heart is never stupid. Never."

"There were signs, H, should have noticed," Ryan said. "Not healthy interactions. Going to end it."

"You want love, Ryan," Horatio said. "You were trying and, if I know you, were giving your everything to the relationship with Frank. It's not your fault this happened, okay? Remember that, this is not your fault. It doesn't matter if you thought about ending the relationship sooner than you did, leaving any sort of intimate relationship is hard and you need to be sure it's the right choice."

Ryan turned and looked at him. "Frank?"

"Nothing has been reported, but I've talked with him and told him that he is not to come near you," Horatio said. "Eric, Calleigh and Alexx all know and they're remaining professional at work."

"Thank you, don't want to see him."

"You don't have to, not until you feel stronger," Horatio said. "I know you probably want to talk, Ryan, but you need your rest. You've been through so much trauma in such a short period of time. I'll be right here the whole time, keeping you safe while you're asleep."

"Work?"

"Calleigh and Eric and handling it for me," Horatio said. "Go to sleep, Ryan. Let your body heal."

"K."


	12. Chapter 12

"Hey, H, how's he doing?" Eric asked, peeking into the room in ICU. "They told me I could come in for a bit."

Horatio smiled. "He's woken up once and was able to move, but there are still problems, Eric," he said. "Thank you for dinner, I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to eat tonight. I don't want to leave him alone."

"I don't blame you," Eric said. "What all are we watching for?"

"One of his eyes wouldn't open last time, but the doctor didn't seem overly concerned about that, yet," Horatio said. "He was able to move a little and was aware of his surroundings, even as drugged as they have him. Eric, he said he saw signs that the interactions with Frank we're healthy. Did you ever see anything that would suggest anything to you?"

"You know, H, I've been wracking my brain trying to think if there was something I saw that maybe I overlooked or wrote off as them being friends and just having a bad day or something that would tell me Ryan was in an abusive relationship, and I've got nothing," Eric sighed. "Ryan is just too damn good at hiding his personal life from the team. Given our team, that's pretty amazing at times."

Horatio chuckled and picked up the diet Coke Eric had brought with the sandwich and potato chips from a local deli they both liked. "Especially with Calleigh and Natalia on the team," he said. "There are days I think they're the ones who will take on anything to find out what's happening away from the lab. Alexx mothers us all, but she never talks about any of it. Not in ways that would hurt anyone."

"Speaking of Alexx, I'm surprised she's not here," Eric said.

"She's in a meeting with Ryan's doctor talking about various treatment options and what will happen as Ryan wakes up more and is able to begin physical therapy," Horatio said. "I'm going to have to come up with something to explain this away to the department and I'm hoping that Alexx will be able to help me with that."

"I'm sure she will," Eric said. "H, I know we're trying to keep it quiet, but you know there's a chance this could get out. Do you think we should be thinking about ways to minimize damages?"

"I have been," Horatio said. "Because Ryan doesn't want to press charges against his attacker, there isn't a case and, legally, the department cannot force him to press charges or insist on action against Tripp. Ryan is taking the high road in this one and, while it's possible there will be a reaction because he was in a same sex relationship with a co-worker, they aren't in the same department and there's no supervisory or other issues there. Stetler will want to be sure there won't be problems in the field, but I handle case assignments. I can make sure that Ryan and Frank don't end up on the same case until everything is settled."

Eric nodded. "I always forget how well you know the rule books, H," he said. "You won't let Ryan on a case with Frank without a partner, will you?"

"Ryan will be staying with me for a long time, Eric," Horatio said. "Like I did with you when you were coming back from your shooting, and have done for Natalia too. Frank is scared of me, and I think we have that in our favor, more than anything else. I do believe that Stetler is going to show at some point, but I'm ready for him. Just like I always am."

"I just wish there was a way to keep IAB out of this totally," Eric sighed. "Ryan's been through enough with them, he doesn't need more stress."

"H."

Horatio was out of his chair and over the bed in under a second. "Hey there," he said softly. "How do you feel?"

"Sleepy," Ryan said. "There water?"

"There is," Horatio said. He picked up the cup and held the straw for Ryan. "Eric's here, Ryan. Do you feel up to saying hi?"

"Sure."

Eric moved over to the bed and smiled down at his friend. "Hey there, good to see you awake, Wolfe," he said. "I was getting worried about you there for a while."

"I'm okay," Ryan said.

"Yeah, I know you are," Eric said. "Seriously, how are you feeling?"

"Like I've been run over by a truck," Ryan said. "H, my eye."

Horatio moved around to the other side of the bed and gently touched Ryan's face. "Can you feel that, Ryan?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, hands are cold."

"Sorry," Horatio said. "Try and open you eye for me, Ryan. I know it's hard, but focus on that eye and try to look at me, okay?"

The lid lifted a little, but didn't open. Ryan sighed. "Can't do it."

"You will," Horatio said. "You will, Ryan. You've still got a lot of drugs in your system and you were pretty banged up when you came in. One day at a time, okay? We'll take it slow and get you better."

"K."

Eric took Ryan's hand carefully. "You need to talk about brain issues, Wolfe, I got you covered," he said. "Think I'm an expert now with all the crap I've been through."

"Take you up on that," Ryan said.

Horatio smiled at the pair. "Ryan, go on back to sleep. Alexx will be here in a bit and I'm sure she'd like to talk with you too, but you need your rest more than anything," he said. "I'll be right here, Ryan. I'm not leaving."

"K."

Eric looked over at Horatio when Ryan was asleep again. "He's really out of it."

"The doctor says it's normal, but if he's not more alert by tomorrow, they're going to start doing some tests to look for brain damage," Horatio sighed. "They caught the clot quickly so there shouldn't be too much damage, but they're not positive of that. They're also weaning him off the heavy drugs, and those could be part of the problem."

"So all we can do is wait?" Eric asked.

"All we can do is wait and pray that Ryan is as strong as we think he is," Horatio replied. "He's got a long road to walk, Eric."

"We'll be here for him."

"That we will, Eric. That we will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone, for you patience in waiting for updates on my stories. I've been finishing up a novel that will be available on amazon soon. If you've read my Dragon Chronicles, you saw that I have a dragon novel as well. The first one is available on amazon, and the one I just finished writing (and am editing) is the sequel to it.
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/Lexxie-Scott/e/B00BHME9QQ
> 
> That's the link to my author page. All books are available in both paperback and e-book format.


	13. Chapter 13

Horatio had just finished his dinner and gone back to the book he'd bought in the gift shop when the door opened and Alexx slipped into the room. "Hey Horatio," she said softly.

"Alexx, how was your day?"

"Busy like you wouldn't believe," Alexx said. "But there's nothing you need to worry about, Calleigh and the others have it covered. I talked to Ryan's doctor and everything does look good. They caught the clot in time so there was minimal pressure put on the brain, the tissues didn't compress any and that's what leads to the most concerns about brain damage. Now that's not to say Ryan's not going to have trouble, any imbalance in the head causes issues, but I'm not expecting to see any of them be long-term."

"That's good. He's worried about his left eye, Alexx. It won't open."

She nodded. "That's normal and it might not for a couple of weeks to a month," Alexx said. "Eyes can be tricky, especially when the brain is involved. Ryan's going to have a lot of physical therapy ahead of him before he's able to come back to work. I'm not saying it's going to be intensive therapy, but depending on what their scans show tomorrow when they start the next round of tests, it's possible he'll have to work on walking, bending and anything else that takes him from vertical to horizontal or vertical in a different position."

"He doesn't have to go out in the field immediately when he comes back to work," Horatio pointed out. "We've got cold cases that involve nothing more than research and paperwork. As long as being on a computer doesn't give him a headache, he could work in my office on those while I'm out in the field. It would let him feel useful and secure because he could lock the door while he's in there too."

"Eric told me Frank showed up earlier today," Alexx said. "Did Frank really get in your face, Horatio?"

"He did, but I was able to handle it," Horatio said. "Eric's also worried about Stetler realizing something is wrong and getting involved. That's something I'm a little concerned about as well because I'd like to keep Ryan as safe as possible."

"Well, what if you contact Stetler and ask to talk with him while Ryan's having his tests done?" Alexx asked. "Treat it as a show of good faith by contacting him first rather than trying to keep everything covered up. I'm not saying there won't be trouble because of it, but Ryan said he doesn't want to press any charges so the report to IAB is to keep all the paperwork in place in case of future incidents, right?"

Horatio nodded. "Going by the rule book, if one officer doesn't wish to press charges against another officer for any altercation between them, the supervisors must be notified, but reports don't have to be made to IAB," Horatio said. "Not unless there's a second incident. I really would like to keep Stetler out of this, but you have a good point. I haven't spoken with Frank's supervisor, but that's because I don't want him in trouble at work. He knows that I know, and that's trouble enough."

"I'll say it is," Alexx said. "Horatio, do you want to get it taken care of now? I'll stay with Ryan while you make the phone call. That way you know Frank won't be able to get to our baby without one hell of a fight."

"There's no sense in putting it off," Horatio sighed. "I won't go far. Thank you, Alexx."

"Of course, baby," she said.

Horatio glanced over at Ryan and went out on ICU and down the hall where he knew he would be able to use his phone without trouble. He couldn't believe he was going to voluntarily make the report to IAB, but Alexx had a good point. Trying to hide it would, ultimately, make for more problems and a more likely investigation. "Good evening, Rick."

"Horatio, what can I do for you?" Stetler asked.

"Rick, could you come down to ICU at the hospital, please?" Horatio asked in reply. "I've got a delicate situation here that I'm reporting just so you're aware of it. No charges are being filed and I don't want this to get out at work."

"You're saying you trust me with this?"

"I'm saying I trust you to do what's right, Rick, same as always," Horatio said. "Ask for me at the ICU desk and they'll call me."

"All right, Horatio, but only because you've got me curious. I'll be there in a bit."

"Thank you, Rick."  
****

Alexx stayed with Ryan when Stetler arrived so Horatio wouldn't have to worry about the younger man. She had the look in her eye that said she was ready to kill whoever dared to go near one of her babies, and even Stetler had taken a step back when he saw her. Horatio took Stetler to the empty waiting area and sat shut the door behind them. "Rick, Ryan Wolfe is in there," Horatio said, sitting down in one of the chairs. "He was assaulted badly enough to cause a blood clot to form under his skull and require surgery to remove it. He has other injuries, but the head wound is the one worrying the doctors the most. Ryan managed to get away from his attacker and came to me. I brought him here and have been standing guard over him."

"Does he know who attacked him?" Stetler asked, sitting down in the chair near Horatio. "I'm surprised you haven't had the guy arrested."

"It's more complicated than that. Yes, we do know the identity of his attacker," Horatio said. "It was Ryan's partner, who also attempted to rape him."

"Well, shit," Stetler said. "Horatio, please don't tell me that Wolfe has been dating a co-worker."

Horatio shook his head with a small sigh. "I wish I could, Rick," he said. "I'm not going to lie to you about any of this. I also want to stress that Ryan has refused to press charges so, under the departmental rules, no report to IAB needs to be made."

"So why tell me about it?"

"Because you're always so alert to any change in the running of the lab," Horatio said. "I'm going to be remaining here with Ryan until he's strong enough to be discharged because his attacker has already shown up once and I don't want to risk a re-injury."

"You're telling me so I don't start nosing around the lab and find out on my own," Rick said. "I have to respect that, Horatio. All right, what do you want from me?"

"A promise that this goes no further, Rick. I know that the officer's supervisor needs to be notified and I haven't done that yet," Horatio said. "I haven't had the time, but also because I don't want it to become common knowledge that the officer was in a homosexual relationship. I've spoken with him, told him to get counseling for what he's done. Could we leave it at that?"

Stetler sighed. "Horatio, I'm not stupid, you know. You're talking about Detective Tripp, aren't you?"

"If I am?"

"Nothing," Stetler said. "Just your promise that you won't have the two of them working a case together without at least one other CSI present at all times in the field."

"Easy enough to promise because I'm planning to work with Ryan until he's feeling more sure of himself," Horatio said. "Frank is scared of me, Rick. Not so much that he won't be able to do his job, but enough that he won't try anything with me there. Would you be willing to make sure he is getting counseling for me? I won't be able to double-check that from in here."

"Yeah, I'll check on it," Stetler said. "He's lucky Wolfe isn't pressing charges."

Horatio nodded. "He is," he said. "Rick, thank you. I was worried about this getting out in the department."

"No one will hear it from me and I won't write anything down," Stetler said. "I know this is out of character for me, Horatio, but my younger cousin was raped when he was sixteen and no one listened to him about what happened because it was a teacher. I'm the one that found his body and I swore that day that anyone who came to me with a rape claim, I'd listen to them and never judge. Tripp is safe from me, but only because I know you're watching him."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Rick," Horatio said. 

"Thank you."


	14. Chapter 14

The room was dark when Ryan woke up again. He looked around as best he could with his left eye still shut, and found Horatio asleep in a bed next to his that he hadn't noticed before. Ryan wasn't sure why Horatio was there, well other than Horatio saw his team as family and he would do anything to help them out, but having Horatio with him made him feel safe. The last thing he wanted was to see Frank. Ryan didn't think he'd ever be able to forget the events leading up to Frank hitting him hard enough to slam into the headboard of the bed. He'd known, on so many levels, that his relationship with Frank wasn't healthy. His thoughts had still been in a whirl when he went to bed that night, thinking about everything and exactly how he wanted to end the association. Ryan wanted to have a partner who would hold him at night while they were asleep, kiss him randomly in the hall when they brushed past each other. Someone who saw him for who he was and loved him regardless of his problems. When Frank had first asked him out, Ryan had been surprised because he knew the older man had been married and had kids, but thought that maybe Frank had seen something to make him want to be with Ryan. Frank wasn't that different away from work, but Ryan had thought that meant consistency in personality, not that Frank's temper would bleed over into their time away from work. Ryan wasn't going to call it personal time because it really wasn't. Frank wouldn't even negotiate on sex. One position, lights out and he wouldn't touch Ryan's erection. There had been a few nights, not many, but a few when Ryan was left hanging and had to take care of himself after Frank was finished.

Ryan hadn't been lying to himself, but he had been assessing constantly. He'd wanted a partner, missed having someone to come home to, and was willing to work with Frank to get past the hurdles that were usually there in the first same sex relationship. Ryan had said that he'd give Frank six months before he ended things if Ryan felt they weren't working out, sooner if he felt there were other problems involved. Problems like partner abuse, even if that had just happened once. Ryan really wasn't stupid enough to stay in a relationship where all the other guy wanted was a punching bag. He knew how those power trips ended up, and Ryan wasn't going to put Alexx through something like that.

He was mad at himself for not picking up on Frank's temper sooner. Ryan worked with him, knew the statistics on how many police officers turned abusers, and he should have been able to see some sort of warning sign before Frank tried to rape him. He wasn't sure, but Ryan needed to ask Horatio if Frank still had a key to his apartment or not. He couldn't imagine Horatio allowing Frank to keep it, but it was always possible that Frank had a copy made of the copy and could still get into his place.

The change in Ryan's breathing woke Horatio and he was over to the side of the bed quickly. "Hey there, what's wrong?" he asked softly.

"H, could you have the locks changed at my apartment?" Ryan asked.

"Of course I can," Horatio replied. "I'll call a friend in the morning and get you scheduled in, okay? Do you want me to have Eric swing by in the morning and make sure everything is okay for you?"

"Could you?" Ryan asked.

"Absolutely," Horatio said. He smiled softly. "You can ask us for anything, Ryan, and if it's in our power, we'll do it or get it for you, okay? Your job right now is to recover and rejoin your family."

"Okay," Ryan said. He knew better than to nod. "I feel more awake."

"You sound more awake too," Horatio said. "I guess most of that stronger pain killer is out of your system now. How do you feel?"

"Sluggish and like an idiot."

Horatio sat down carefully on the edge of the bed. "You mentioned you'd seen some things, Ryan," he said. "Hoping for love doesn't make you an idiot. Not filing charges doesn't make you an idiot. You were hoping for something good, and hope is never stupid."

"Even if I knew it wasn't healthy?"

"Even then because you had hope," Horatio said. "Ryan, I have to ask. Frank never hit you before the other night, did he?"

"Never, I would have been out of there like a shot and told you," Ryan said. "I wasn't expecting the hit this time or I might have been able to block it."

"Ryan, the doctor told me, after I brought you in, that he was amazed you were able to run like you did," Horatio said. "He said that you are one of the strongest young men he's ever seen. That you're a fighter. I already knew both of those things, but it was nice to hear someone else agreed with me."

Ryan sighed. "I don't remember a lot of what happened after my head hit the bed frame," he admitted.

"You will, and probably when you're least expecting it," Horatio said. "I'll say this every time you wake up, Ryan. I'm here until you're ready to be on your own again. I am not leaving you alone, okay?"

"Thank you. I really don't want to see Frank," Ryan said.

"I understand and you won't have to," Horatio said. "He's already tried once, but I stopped him. I stopped him and hospital security and the staff know that he's not to be allowed in for any reason. You're safe, Ryan. You're safe and you don't have to worry about anything other than getting better."

"Okay," Ryan said. "Thanks, H. I think I'm going to fall asleep on you again."

Horatio smiled softly. "Go on back to sleep then and don't apologize for it. You need your rest, Ryan. I'm here and I'm not leaving."


	15. Chapter 15

Ryan spent the morning undergoing tests, none of which were comfortable or easy, and he was very glad when they were done with the brain scans. He'd already had a headache and the scans weren't making it any easier. When he was back in his room in the ICU, all he wanted to do was sleep. He just felt bad because Horatio was there and it couldn't be fun to sit and watch him sleep.

Of course Horatio picked up on it. Ryan needed ask if Horatio was a mind-reader because it happened far too often to be a coincidence. "Ryan, if you need to sleep then sleep," Horatio said. "I've got paperwork with me that I can work on. You're here to heal, not keep me entertained, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan said.

Horatio shook his head with a fond smile and went back to his paperwork. He didn't glance up until the door opened. "Doctor?"

"I'm not surprised to find Ryan asleep," the doctor said with a smile. "I think we wore him out this morning. The good news is that I'm not seeing any fluid build-up on the scans, and neither is the specialist who did the surgery. I'm not saying that Ryan's out of the woods, but if he continues to improve as he has been, I think he'll be able to move back up to the regular floor tomorrow morning."

"That's very good news," Horatio said with a smile. "What about his left eye, doctor? Alexx told me that it could be up to a month before he's able to open it again."

"He's had a trauma and is having to rework a few neural pathways in his mind. It's possible the eye may never work again, but I think that Dr. Woods is right and you'll see daily improvement on it. When Ryan's a little more awake and feeling up to it, we're going to start getting him out of bed for short walks," the doctor said. "Probably tomorrow night for the first one. I know it seems early, but we need to keep him moving as much as possible and he's not showing signs of severe damage on anything."

"He'll have spotters with him?" Horatio asked.

"There will be at least one male nurse with you, and I specify only because Ryan has muscle and it'll be easier for one of our guys to catch him that it would be for one of the girls," the doctor said. "He'll also be starting physical therapy in a couple of days, we'll start with bed exercises and work up to being upright when he's working."

"It sounds like a long road ahead of him," Horatio said with a soft sigh. "It's always remarkable to me how one incident can change so much for a person, doctor. It's something that we both see."

"Yes, it is, and I know exactly what you mean," the doctor said. "In Ryan's case, though, he has friends who care about him and who are willing to stand next to him for every step he has to take. Literally in this case. Not everyone has that, and it makes it harder to recover when you're fighting back on your own. I still stand by what I said, Ryan is a very lucky young man."

Horatio smiled. "My team is very much a family, doctor, and we care deeply for each other," he said. "We even have the same fights that families have. I'm very fortunate to have them all, and I wouldn't change a thing about any of it."

"Ryan knows all of this?"

"I think so, but I'm going to make sure of it as he recovers," Horatio said.


	16. Chapter 16

Stetler didn't know what to think about the amount of trust and faith Horatio was suddenly putting in him. The lieutenant was right, Stetler was hyper aware of any changes that took place in the lab and Horatio and Ryan both missing for a prolonged period of time would have been enough to get his interest up. He knew what he needed to do as an officer in the IAB department, and that was to make note of the incident but not submit the folder to anyone. It got locked in his filing cabinet until he heard from Horatio that things were taken care of, but he wasn't as sure what he was supposed to do as a man who knew what it was to have family raped and not believed. That the rape wasn't completed didn't matter to him, the attempt was there and it disturbed him to know that there was an officer in his department that was capable of even trying something like that. Frank Tripp was a large man and had the training to use that strength. That he'd put his partner in the hospital spoke to both how he was able to use the strength and that he had a temper. Finally Stetler decided to call Frank into the office to talk with him and get the name of the therapist that Frank was seeing, if he was seeing anyone. Having Horatio insist on something was one thing, actually having the officer follow through was another.

"You wanted to see me, Stetler?" Frank asked from the doorway.

"Shut the door and have a seat, Tripp," Stetler replied. "I want you to know that this conversation is in no way on the record and will not be reported to anyone. I'm doing this as a favor to Horatio Caine."

Frank sank down in the chair and closed his eyes as if he was in pain. "Aw hell, he told you?" he asked.

"Horatio was concerned, rightly so, that I would notice there was a problem in the lab and start investigating," Stetler said. "Should I have done that, it all would have gone on report. Telling me like he did allows us to keep things unofficial. Now, that's not to say that if there's a complaint against you at a later date for something similar that this won't be in the back of my mind, but I'm not taking any official actions now."

"I'll tell you the same thing I told Horatio; I don't know what happened and I'm not an abuser," Frank said. "I don't take kindly to people thinking I am."

"Tripp, you put a fellow officer in the hospital because he wouldn't sleep with you," Stetler pointed out, making sure to keep his voice low. He didn't want anyone outside in the hall to overhear the conversation. "I don't care if you two were in a committed long-term relationship, the second he said no to you, that's when you should have stopped and backed off. Instead you beat him badly enough to put him in ICU. I don't really care what label you put on yourself for this, Horatio and I believe the same thing and that's also what went into the report I filed in my personal files here in my office. No one will ever see it unless you do this again."

"What's it gonna take to prove that I love Ryan?" Frank asked.

"I don't think you'll be able to," Stetler said. "I spoke with Horatio before calling you in here and he told me that Ryan Wolfe has said he doesn't want to see you again. Granted, that will be hard once Ryan is back at work, but he has Horatio with him. I would say that you're not going to get a chance to do anything other than keep your distance."

"I'd say that don't seem fair, but I know what you'd say to that," Frank said. "What's the real reason you called me in here, Stetler?"

Stetler sighed. "Horatio asked me to make sure you're getting counseling for what happened," he said.

"Not yet."

"Tripp, Horatio and I can't make you go see someone, but I think that it would be seen as an act of good faith on your part," Stetler said. "You seem to be in denial about your actions the other night, but you have to face the fact that you beat another man badly enough that he could have died without prompt medical attention and is facing months of medical care and physical therapy before he can be cleared to come back to do paperwork. It seems you have more of a temper than we realized and if you should let it loose on a suspect, you could be in a lot of legal trouble and the department might not be able to help you."

"Well hell, how do I even go about talking to someone about this?" Frank asked.

"Here." Stetler handed over a card. "This is someone who has worked with the department in the past and I think would be able to help you out a lot. Give her a call and set up an appointment."

"You going to monitor me?" Frank asked.

"I know you have a temper now, Tripp," Stetler replied. "I think it's safe to say that both Horatio and I are going to be watching you closely for a long time. Give that number a call and start working through whatever issues you have. I don't want to hear a hint of trouble when Horatio and, eventually, Ryan come back to work. Understand?"

"Yeah, crystal," Frank said. He stood up and headed for the door. "I thought Horatio was my friend."

"He is. That's why he told me," Stetler said. "You'll be able to see it one day, Tripp. I'm here if you need to talk."

"Ain't gonna happen."

Stetler sighed when the door slammed behind the detective. He knew that it was pointless to try and force the man to see that he had a problem, that Frank would have to come to the conclusion on his own. Stetler only hoped it happened before anyone else got hurt.


	17. Chapter 17

Ryan was more alert when he woke up the next morning, but he admitted that he hurt badly so the doctors looked over everything and changed his pain medication to one that would knock back the pain but not make him as drowsy because they wanted to get him up and walking by dinnertime. Horatio stayed close during the new round of tests and blood work, listening to everything, but staying out of the conversations.

"Hey Horatio, I'm curious about something," Ryan said when they were alone again.

"What's on your mind?" Horatio asked.

"I don't remember getting to you," Ryan replied. "I really don't remember much from the slap that drove me into the headboard until I woke up in ICU with you with me. Do you think I'll ever get those memories back?"

Horatio moved over to sit carefully on the bed. Ryan's back had started bothering him and they had a heating pad set up to try and help the muscles relax. "I don't know if you will or not, Ryan," he said. "As Alexx and the doctors keep telling us, the mind is a mysterious thing and they don't seem to know for sure what's going to happen. I do notice that your left eye is a little more open this morning. How's it feel?"

"Numb, actually," Ryan said. "Can you tell me what all happened, H?"

"Sure. You made it to my house before you collapsed, but were conscious enough to tell me what happened," Horatio said. "I brought you here and we got you checked in and taken care of. You woke up long enough to tell me that Frank's the one who beat you, so Eric and Calleigh stayed while I went to talk with Frank. You had your surgeries and have been getting stronger ever since. Frank did try and get in to see you, but I found him and stopped him. Ryan, you need to know that I also talked with Rick Stetler and he's on your side."

Ryan blinked a few time, wondering if he was hallucinating. "H, did you say you talked to Stetler and he's on my side?"

"I did. Ryan, under the rules of the department, when you chose not to report or press charges, none of this had to be reported," Horatio said. "However, Stetler keeps such a close eye on the lab that I was worried he'd start poking around and information would get out that could hurt you when you got back. Stetler, it turns out, is very sympathetic to rape victims and agreed to not only keep this quiet, he's making sure that Frank is going for counseling."

"Okay, I never expected that," Ryan said. "I wish I knew what happened that night, Horatio, but I don't. Frank called me out to the jail and had me process the booth for fingerprints and I found close onto a hundred that I had to process at the lab. He was already at my place when I got home. I went to shower and was thinking about my options when he called me out for dinner. Frank was gruff, but no more than normal. I went to bed first because my back was bugging me and he woke me up trying to force me onto my stomach."

"Onto your stomach, Ryan?" Horatio asked.

"Only position he'd use, either stomach or hands and knees," Ryan replied softly, looking at his hands. "He'd never kiss me, H. Never touched me and ignored me if he finished first."

"Oh, Ryan," Horatio said. He took Ryan's good hand in his. "It sounds to me like Frank has more issues than I thought he did. No one deserves to be treated like that. He could have gone to the store and bought a toy instead of using you like he was."

Ryan flushed red. "I was thinking about either trying to cuff him to the bed or ending the relationship when he hit me," he admitted. "I knew the relationship wasn't healthy, but I was willing to give him a chance."

"That just means you have a big heart, Ryan, not that you're stupid," Horatio said. "What you've just told me goes no farther, I promise. This stays between you and me, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks, Horatio," Ryan said.


	18. Chapter 18

"How's he doing?" Eric asked softly, shutting the door behind him.

"We just got back from his first walk about ten minutes ago," Horatio replied. He took the bag Eric handed him with a nod. "I think it wore him out."

Eric nodded. "Yeah, those first few times up and moving are a bitch," he said. "Especially when your balance is off and it's more like walking on a ship than down the hallway. Did he do okay?"

"He did, although we had to get a wheelchair to bring him back," Horatio said. "Much like they did for you your first time out."

"I'll have to try and catch him one of these days when he's awake," Eric said with a grin. "I know what he's going through. Different causes, same effects. I really wanted to let you know that I went by his place and it was locked up tight. No one's been in there recently. The locks are changed and I've got the key."

"Thank you for that, Eric," Horatio said. "He was worried that Frank might have gone back and done something to his things. Keep an eye on the apartment, will you?"

"No problem," Eric said. "Do you have any idea why Frank is looking so sour?"

"If I had to take a guess I'd say he found out that I talked with Stetler about all of this," Horatio said.

"Stetler found out?" Eric asked.

Horatio shook his head. "No, I contacted him as a precaution. Alexx made the very good point that Stetler would figure out something was wrong and then the details of the attack would come out at work," he said. "This way he's aware of the problem, and I'll admit that it was a risk, but won't do anything. It turns out that he's on our side for this and is fully supporting Ryan."

"Never thought I'd see that happen," Eric said. "Frank was missing when I went to take him a folder on the case we're working together. I wonder if he was over in IAB."

"It's possible. I asked Rick to make sure Frank was going to counseling," Horatio said. "How's he treating you, Eric? How's that case coming along?"

"He's not around the lab as much as he used to be and I've been wondering if maybe part of that is because Ryan isn't there," Eric said. "He's not treating me any differently than he usually does, but at the same time, he's not searching me out and demanding answers like he used to. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's scared to go near the lab."

"He might be, we're all very good at reading guilt on a person, Eric, and it's possible that Frank is worried that one of the lab staff will pick up on his," Horatio said. "Keep an eye on things, but do not let him draw you into an argument for any reason. You do not need to be hit right now."

Eric nodded. "His temper is bad anyway, but all of this with Ryan is only going to have made it worse," he said. "I'll be careful, H, I promise."

"I know you will," Horatio said. "Just leave Frank to me, okay?"

"What if he hits you?"

"Then that will be the last mistake he ever has a chance to make," Horatio said.


	19. Chapter 19

"Well, Ryan, how is your back doing this morning?" the doctor asked, shutting the door to the room behind him. "Is the heating pad helping anything?"

"It's about the same," Ryan said. "It was hurting me when I got hurt, so I was thinking I'd pulled a muscle at work. I'd been doing a lot of bending and moving that day."

The doctor nodded. "It's possible you could have done something to it, but have you had back problems before all of this?" he asked. "I just want to make sure that it's not a symptom to a problem that we're overlooking somehow."

"I understand and I haven't. How would we know if it's a bigger problem than it is?" Ryan asked.

"Well, prolonged back pain isn't uncommon when you're stuck in bed for a long time, so it's possible that you're just feeling that," the doctor said. "If it doesn't start getting better in another day or two though, I want to have you looked at. Now then, it's time to start talking about in-bed physical therapy so we can start getting you back on your feet."

Ryan nodded. "How long will I be here, doctor?" he asked.

"If you keep improving on schedule, which you're close to right now, then you'll be here for another three or four days," the doctor said. "I'm hearing good reports from your last two walks, so we need to have you talk with our physical therapy staff and have you start working on a few things."

"How much am I looking at long term?" Ryan asked. "I mean, how bad is all of this going to impact my abilities to function?"

"Not badly, as long as you work hard to get back to where you were before you were beaten," the doctor replied. "As I've commented to Lieutenant Caine many times, Ryan, I'm amazed at how strong you are. I don't foresee you having any long-term problems from any of your injuries."

"I don't like being idle," Ryan admitted.

"I brought some sheets with me on various exercises you can do in bed," the doctor said. "One of our therapist will be by in an hour or so to talk over other long-term exercises, appointments and when we can start thinking about clearing you to go back to work."

Horatio picked up the papers and started looking through them. "Doctor, long-term, do you think Ryan will be back to his pre-attack health?" he asked.

"With some work on his part, yes," the doctor replied. "Normally clots like this aren't caught quickly and they compress the brain, leading to complications such as balance issues, memory loss, even blindness in some cases. Because we caught this one within a day or two of it forming, and have been able to keep the fluid from reforming into a clot, Ryan didn't have that compression for long. I would be very surprised to find out that there are any long-term effects from your head injury, Ryan. That's not to say you won't feel like there are, but I think you'll find those symptoms lessening every time you completely your physical therapy."

"These look simple enough," Horatio said. He held up a sheet. "This one is very familiar, I had to do it after I was cut by a suspect, so I know it works."

"I didn't know you were cut by a suspect, H," Ryan said.

"Years ago now, I was," Horatio said. "He didn't want to come quietly."

The doctor nodded. "That's one of the best exercises to start with," he said. "Our therapy specialist will go over everything with you. Another thing you need to start thinking about is where you're going to stay when we let you go home. You're going to need help for at least a month, if not slightly longer no matter how much progress you make here in the hospital."

"He'll stay with me," Horatio said. "I meant it when I said every step of the way, Ryan."

"Thanks, Horatio," Ryan said.

"Sounds like things are coming together nicely then," the doctor said. "Ryan, you let me know if your back is still bothering you in a couple of days, all right? We have a masseuse here on staff and he could come in and see if he can help you."

"That actually sounds good," Ryan said.

"All right, I'll give him a call and have him come this afternoon then," the doctor said. "Lieutenant, let us know if there's anything you need."

"I will doctor, thank you," Horatio said with a smile.

Ryan looked over when they were alone. "Horatio, thank you," he said. "I don't know what I'd be doing if I had to be alone right now."

"That's why we're not going to find out, okay?" Horatio said softly. "I'm here and I will be next to you for every step you make, Ryan."


	20. Chapter 20

Horatio unlocked his door and helped Ryan through and into the house, Eric bringing up the rear with their bags and some of Ryan's physical therapy equipment. "H, where do you want this?" Eric asked.

"Bags in the laundry room, please, and I'll deal with everything else so just leave it here out of the way," Horatio said. "Ryan, I don't know how you're feeling, but the one thing I like to do when I get home from the hospital is bathe. What do you think?"

"That sounds like heaven, H," Ryan said. "I didn't realize how little good sponge baths would do."

"All right, then bath it is," Horatio said. "Eric, would you like to stay for lunch?"

"I'll run to the store and cook," Eric said. "You guys take as long as Ryan needs."

Ryan glanced back carefully. "Thanks, Delko," he said.

"Hey, I've been right where you are," Eric said with a grin. "I know exactly what you're going through and I was lucky enough to have Horatio to help me out once we convinced Momma that I didn't need her help to take baths."

"Momma Delko is a force to be reckoned with," Horatio said. "Eric, you know the codes, lock up when you go. I'm going to be in the back with Ryan."

"You got it, H. See you guys in a bit."

Horatio started Ryan down the hall and followed behind him, knowing the younger man was still shaky with the walker. "Ryan I'll let you do as much as you can, but I have to ask if you're okay to have me help you in and out of the bath," he said. "You can leave your underwear on if it'll make you more comfortable."

"It's fine, Horatio," Ryan said. "You haven't freaked out over anything that's happened the past few days, I think you've literally seen me at my worst. Right or left?"

"Left, through the guest bedroom," Horatio said with a smile. "That's Ray's room across the hall, though he hasn't stayed in a long time. My room is down at the end if you need me for anything and I don't hear you calling for me, okay?"

"I can't imagine you not hearing something, Horatio," Ryan said. "It's going to be so nice to sleep in a real bed tonight."

"I have a heating pad, I'll dig it out for your back," Horatio said. "Here, let me go in first and get things set up really quick." He moved around Ryan and into the bathroom, flicking on the lights and pulling out towels. He put one down on the closed toilet seat and turned to get the water started in the tub. "All right, come on in and sit down. Let's get you undressed and into the water."

Ryan moved carefully over and sat down with a sigh. "I can't believe how much it drains you to use one of those things," he said. "Still, I guess I should be glad they didn't put me in a wheelchair for days."

"The doctors are right that you need to start reminding your body how to walk," Horatio said. He pulled Ryan's t-shirt off carefully and dropped it on the counter before kneeling on one knee to get Ryan's shoes and socks off. "Ryan, I can wait out in the other room if you want me to while you're bathing."

"Actually, would it be too weird to ask you to wash my back?" Ryan asked. "I'm not going to be able to do a lot to get myself clean, H. Not with this cast."

"Just wanted to give you the option," Horatio said. "Everyone's comfort level is different."

"Horatio, given the relationship I was just in, this feels like heaven and you're a good friend and my boss," Ryan said. He took the offered arms and held on while Horatio worked the sleep pants off. "I just hope I can find someone who loves me and is willing to show me this much care and devotion."

"I'm sure you will, Ryan, you're a very special young man," Horatio said. "Lift your foot carefully and be sure of your balance before you try and lift the other one. I've got you, but I don't want you to even start to fall, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks Horatio," Ryan said. "Okay, here we go."  
****

Eric had lunch ready and on the table when Horatio came out into the kitchen. He looked up with a grin. "Let me guess, asleep."

"Asleep," Horatio agreed with a smile. "We got him clean and into clean clothes before he fell asleep, so that's something. This looks great Eric, thank you."

"No problem, it gave me something to do and it'll reheat for Ryan later tonight."

Horatio sat down and picked up his fork. "He's starved for touch, Eric. I don't think he recognized it as abuse, but Frank was withholding love from their interactions, using Ryan only for sex, and Ryan is starving for touch and love," he said. "I don't know if he feels worthless or not, but some of the things he's saying to me, they make me just want to hug him."

"He doesn't know you're bi, does he?"

"I don't think so," Horatio said. "Eric, would you be mad if I did try for a relationship with Ryan?"

"I don't expect you to stay alone forever, H. I know you still love Mari and if she'd lived, the two of you would be so happy together," Eric said. "Momma and Poppa will feel the same way. All we want is for our family to be happy."

"Thank you," Horatio said. "You're right that I do still love Mari and I miss her every day, Eric. Just like Speed."

Eric nodded. "I miss Tim a lot too," he said. "I wonder what he'd think of all of this."

"Frank would have more to worry about than just me," Horatio said with a smile. "You know that Speed would have snatched Ryan up in a second and treated him as a little brother. Alexx had nothing on Speed when his family was in trouble."

"Isn't that the truth," Eric agreed. "Follow your heart, Horatio. You know it's never led you wrong before."

Horatio reached over and squeezed Eric's hand. "Thank you," he said softly.


	21. Chapter 21

Ryan woke up slowly and stretched carefully. He didn't think any of his muscles would cramp up, but he really didn't want to take the chance. He knew part of it was the medicine, but he hadn't slept that well in weeks. Ryan knew that he should call for Horatio to get out of bed and start the day, as much as he didn't want to, but he thought it would be okay if he just stayed there and enjoyed lying in the bed for a few minutes. There were a few things he wanted to think about before he saw Horatio again. He hadn't been lying the day before when he said that the attention Horatio was paying him felt like heaven. Ryan hadn't realized how much he'd missed just physical contact with people, being able to touch and be touched. Horatio wasn't a tactile man, at least not with his team, but his manner and tone towards them made them all know exactly how he saw them, and Ryan was a little shocked that Horatio was going out of his way to touch Ryan as much as he could, even if it was just a hand on his arm to steady him.

"Hey, you awake?" a soft voice asked from the doorway. "It's time for your medications."

"Yeah, I'm awake, H, just thinking," Ryan replied. 

"I brought you some milk while breakfast is cooking," Horatio said. He put the things down on the bedside table and moved to help Ryan sit up. "Will that be enough to keep you from getting sick with these?"

"It should be," Ryan said. "Thanks, Horatio."

"Not a problem," Horatio said. "I spoke with the doctor and he said that as long as you have plenty of sunblock on, and someone willing to be in with you, that cast is ocean-proof as well. Would you like to try and swim for a bit?"

"That's right, you live on the beach," Ryan said. He handed the glass back and leaned against the pillows behind him. "Who would go in with me?"

"Well, as long as you can help with my back and shoulders, I'll go," Horatio said with a smile. "I normally don't swim because I'll burn, but Eric brought over an extra-strong sunblock for us both. He's also going to bring lunch, so it's possible he'll join us."

Ryan couldn't help but grin. "You guys are great, H," he said.

"We've both been where you are now, Ryan. For different reason, but we both understand what you're going through," Horatio said. "I also heard from Calleigh that she and Alexx are thinking about stopping by after work. Everyone at the lab misses you and I'm sure you'll have plenty of visitors over the next few days. Ready to get up?"

"I'll give it a try," Ryan said. "When do you think my balance is going to be good enough that I don't have to worry about falling over?"

"Well, I think that depends on how hard you work at your physical therapy," Horatio said. "Come on, we don't need the walker to get around the house. Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

"No, I'm good," Ryan said. "This feels so weird, picking my feet up so high on every step. I feel like I'm going to overbalance and fall."

"You won't. I've got you," Horatio said. "We don't want you to get into the habit of shuffling so high steps. You can cut back the height after a day or two, but if I catch you shuffling around."

"Yeah, I know, back to this," Ryan said with a wry grin. "Horatio, how did you get so much time away from the lab to do this?"

Horatio helped him settle into a chair at the table and went to finish up their breakfast. "I usually don't take time off, so I have a large bank of days," he said. "When I talked with the chief, I explained that someone close to me was badly injured and almost died and needed my help for a month. He agreed to let me use two weeks of vacation and two weeks of sick time, so as long as I have my phone on and I keep up on my paperwork, I don't have to be at the lab."

"I feel bad that you're having to use up some of your personal time to help me out," Ryan said.

"Don't, Ryan, even though I know that's hard." Horatio put two plates on the table and went back towards the fridge. "No coffee for another week so would you like water, juice or more milk?"

"No coffee," Ryan sighed. "They don't know what that does to us, do they?"

"No they don't," Horatio grinned.

"Juice please," Ryan said. "Okay, I'll do my best to not feel guilty, but it's still your personal time, H. You could have used it to go see Ray and Yelina."

"Yelina has asked that I give Ray some time without me there," Horatio said. "I think she has a new man in her life and wants Ray to adjust to having a new father figure in his life, but I have to respect her wishes. There you go. Do you need anything else?"

"Not right now, H. Thank you."


	22. Chapter 22

"You don't need a nap, do you, Ryan?" Eric asked after lunch. The morning had been taken up by Ryan and Horatio working on Ryan's physical therapy in the living room, and Eric arrived to find them walking back and forth slowly, Ryan on his own but with Horatio behind ready to catch. They'd eaten out on the back deck, Horatio in the shade, and Eric could see that Ryan was starting to nod off a little.

"I feel like I should, but I don't think I'll sleep," Ryan admitted. "At least not for a bit. How did you deal with the balance issues, Eric? That's something I've been really fighting with."

"I know, it's like a ship under your feet, isn't it?" Eric said with a grin. "You just have to keep telling yourself you're on dry land and the floor isn't moving. It's hard, but it'll get better for you, and Horatio makes a good spotter. He and I ended up in heaps a couple of times when I was first allowed to walk without any help."

Horatio looked over with a fond smile. "I had bruises for weeks," he said. "Eric is a lot heavier than he looks."

"Well then, I'll try not to bruise you any," Ryan said. "Eric, were you guys serious about swimming?"

"You know me, Wolfe, I'm always ready to get wet," Eric grinned. "I think convincing Horatio to go in with us is going to be the hard part. You know how he feels about the sun."

"I don't think I'd ever seen Horatio in anything casual before," Ryan said. "Just his suits all the time. When I woke up and saw him in jeans and a t-shirt, I thought that I was hallucinating. My system might not be able to handle the shock of him in swim trunks."

"I can always stay here," Horatio said. "The pair of you would be just fine in the water."

Eric laughed. "You don't get out of it that easily, H," he said. "You go change and I'll start getting Ryan greased up. Workout shorts work for swimming too."

"Thankfully. Getting dressed it one of the biggest chores I have right now," Ryan said. He struggled up into a sitting position in the lounge chair he was in and grinned. "I did it."

"Yes you did," Horatio said with a fond smile. "You're getting better every hour, Ryan. Remember that. I'll be right back."

Ryan looked over. "Does he really have a swimsuit?" he asked.

"Yep, although you won't see him in it often," Eric replied. He pulled out the bottle of sunblock he'd brought over the day before and moved to start on Ryan's back. "He and Ray both love the water and used to swim all the time, but as Ray got older and Yelina started keeping him away, I think Horatio's fallen out of the habit. He went in with me a lot when I was recovering."

"The two of you are close, aren't you?" Ryan said.

"H and I are brothers and we take that family connection seriously," Eric said. "I hate that he was only able to spend two months with Mari before she died, but for those two months, she was happier than I ever saw her."

"Hey Eric, does Horatio date or is he still in mourning for Mari?" Ryan asked.

"He does date, and right now I think there's someone he's interested in," Eric said, poking Ryan in the shoulder. "I shouldn't be telling you, but I don't want you guys getting your signals crossed and hurt feelings coming into the mix. You need the attention and love and he needs someone to love."

"How did I never know he's bi?" Ryan asked softly, mindful that Horatio could come back out of the house at any time.

Eric laughed and moved around to work on Ryan's chest. "He does hide that side of himself well," he said. "He and Speed had an on occassion thing that I never really understood, but it worked for them. He was still in mourning when he met Mari and I think she brought him out of it a little. So, that means, anything happens between the two of you, you can't die on him."

"I just can't even picture it, really," Ryan said. "Is that why he's been touching me so much?"

"Nah, that's because Frank, the bastard that he is, was emotionally starving you for the whole time you guys were together," Eric said. "You've got a lot to work through, Ryan. I'm gonna be honest, I can't think of anyone better to help you through that than Horatio because he knows, man. He really knows. Just think about what I've said, you don't have to make a decision tonight. You've got all the time in the world."

"You don't think he'll give up?"

"Ryan, are we talking about the same red head here?" Eric asked. "Horatio Caine never gives up. Come on, lie back and let me get your legs for you."

Inside, Horatio spent two minutes silently cursing Eric.


	23. Chapter 23

Ryan woke up in the middle of the night when he heard his window unlock. He wasn't expecting how loud the alarm was, or how quickly Horatio would get to his room, gun in hand. "You okay, Ryan?"

"Yeah, what the hell?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Horatio said. "Do you think you can shoot safely?"

"No, I don't want to risk it, not until I'm back on the range for a while," Ryan said. "I can fight though. I'll be fine, H. Go find out what just happened."

Horatio nodded and headed down the hall towards the front door. He had a feeling that whoever had just tried to break into his house was long gone, frightened off by the noise from the alarm, but he wasn't going to take any chances. Horatio slipped out into the darkness, his dark t-shirt and sleep pants blending in almost perfectly as he moved, eyes searching for any odd movement. By the time patrol arrived, Horatio had cleared the area and found some tools in the bushes outside Ryan's room.

"Lieutenant Caine, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Paul, thank you," Horatio said. "I believe the suspect is gone, but there's some evidence left behind that I'm going to send to the lab. I didn't see anyone when I came outside."

"You know, if this was any other alarm call, I'd be lecturing about going out to confront people trying to break in," Paul said with a grin.

Horatio laughed. "If it was anyone else, I'd support you," he said. "Thank you for your quick response tonight, Paul. I really appreciate it. Calleigh, what were you doing at work so late?"

"Oh, you know, paperwork," she said with a smile. "Hi, Paul, everything okay on your end of things?"

"Just fine, Calleigh," he replied. "I'm going to go radio it in. Lieutenant, we'll stay close for the rest of the night if things stay quiet."

"Thank you," Horatio said. "Calleigh, there are tools in the bushes and a hand print on the window. Collect them all, process and make sure that this does not link back to Frank, okay?"

"That's the guest room, isn't it?" Calleigh asked. "Not the place a smart burglar would pick to go in."

"Just what I was thinking," Horatio replied. "I need to go check on Ryan again. He pushed me to come out a check, so I want to make sure he's okay."

She nodded. "I'll be fine, Paul's close," she said. "I'll call you tomorrow with the results."

"You need to get some sleep," Horatio said seriously.

"I'm working more of a swing while you're gone," she said as she pulled on gloves. "Eric's in early and I'm staying late so we have everything covered. We're fine, Horatio, go on now. Go check on Ryan."

"I should know better than to argue," Horatio said. "Thank you, Calleigh."

"I'll call."

Horatio smiled fondly and went back into the house and right to the guest room. "Hey."

"All clear?"

"All clear," Horatio replied. "I have a very sensitive alarm system, Ryan, and as you heard, it's loud. I think our intruder was scared because he left us some very nice pieces of evidence in the bushes."

"Nice, that means we can find him and ask him some questions," Ryan grinned.

"Exactly what I was thinking," Horatio said. "Starting with who told him to come break into my house."

"You think it was Frank?"

Horatio sat down on the edge of the bed. "I don't know what to think, Ryan. I've worked with Frank Tripp a long time, longer than I've worked with a lot of people, and until he attacked you, I would have said he didn't have a violent bone in him," he said. "I don't know if he was just able to hide it from me, if he's changed over the years and I didn't notice it, or if something else happened that I don't know about and he won't talk about."

"Am I the first man he's slept with?" Ryan asked.

"The first I know of," Horatio replied. "Now it's possible he's slept with others and has kept it hidden. I'm not sure, and until I'm calmer, I don't dare go and try to talk with him. That's Calleigh." He moved across the room and opened the window. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Just wanted to let you know I'm done and heading back to the lab," Calleigh said with a smile. "Hey Ryan, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay, Calleigh," Ryan said. "You're at work awfully late."

"Paperwork. I'll try and drop by later in the week and talk for a bit," Calleigh said. "Horatio, you'll want to reset the alarm."

"Thank you, Calleigh. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, night."

Ryan couldn't help the fond smile. "She's always chipper, isn't she?"

"Yes she is, and I love her for it," Horatio said. "She and Eric are very much like siblings to me. Let me go reset the alarm and then I'll come sit with you until you can fall asleep again."


	24. Chapter 24

"Hey H, do you mind if I ask you some questions about things I was thinking when I was with Frank?" Ryan asked. It was dark in the bedroom and he knew he should be trying to go back to sleep, but he was too hard-wired to be awake immediately after any sort of alarm.

"Of course not," Horatio replied. "I'm here in whatever role you need me to be, Ryan. What's on your mind?"

Ryan sighed. "I told you that I knew things weren't right, that I was picking up on problems," he said. "The one thing I was never able to work out, no matter how much I thought about it, was the position he preferred."

"You on your stomach or hands and knees," Horatio said. "Both of those position, Ryan, give more power to the top. Think about the dynamics of them for a moment, how you would have had to move to be able to get away from him, and the possible damage you would have done your body if you had."

"At first I thought it was because he'd been researching online or something," Ryan said. "You know, it's the position for beginners or people who aren't as flexible, or at least that's what everything I've read says. I didn't even really think about it too much until I asked him if we could try something different."

"Which position did you want to try?"

"Me on my side facing away from him," Ryan said. "He refused. Now that I think about it, he was rougher with me that night, a couple of the bite scars on my back are from that night. Do you think he was punishing me for asking him for something different?"

"I think, Ryan, and this is based only on what you've told me, that Frank thought he was in a position of power over you," Horatio said. "That topping you meant that you were his submissive and I don't wonder if maybe he was confusing sex with control."

"BDSM?" Ryan asked.

"Possibly, but think about what we know about gay relationships for work," Horatio said. "Primarily prison encounters where the sex can be more about control and power than release or emotions. If Frank was going solely off what he knew from work, what he'd heard and what he might have even seen, then I think you would end up with a relationship very much like the one he had with you, Ryan."

"Does that make me stupid for staying?"

Horatio moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Of course not," he said. "Ryan, you were doing everything you could to make things work out with Frank, even if part of you was back and watching all your interactions. Without hope, Ryan, no relationship would get anywhere. Did you ever have an indication that Frank would turn violent and hit you?"

"No, nothing that stands out," Ryan said. "He was the same at home as he was at work. Gruff, but never mean. There were times when he was rough in bed, causing bruises, but one of my ex's held onto me tighter than that, so I didn't think it was a worry. The bite marks weren't my favorite, but I didn't really have an objection to them. I didn't even really know anything was wrong until he hit me."

"You're a very observant young man, Ryan, and I think you would have seen something if Frank was showing signs of violence prior to the hit," Horatio said. "What about cuddling? Did the two of you touch much?"

"No, he didn't like to touch me, unless it was to hold onto me for sex, and then it was just my hips," Ryan said. "Eric said I was touch starved, but I've never heard the term before."

"It means that humans are very tactile, normally, and we touch each other in various ways every day," Horatio said. "When we're in a relationship, the touches mean more and can be more frequent. Frank only touching you during sex, and then only holding onto your hips, you lost months of contact from the one you were in the relationship with."

"That's why you guys are touching me more?" Ryan asked. "The small hugs, pats on the shoulder, holding my hand, all that stuff?"

"Partly, but those are also to help you feel better," Horatio replied with a smile. "You've got a lot of healing to do, Ryan. I also heard what else Eric told you."

Ryan was glad for the dark. He flushed red and ducked his head a little. "I'm still wondering if he's making things up."

"He's not, Ryan, but I'm sorry if my attentions make you uncomfortable," Horatio said. "It's not how I would have chosen for you to find out how I feel, and I can stop if you'd like me to."

"H, I'll be honest, I don't want to just bound into another relationship when I'm still questioning myself so badly about the last one," Ryan said. "Now, having said that, you're pretty much exactly what I look for in a partner, so maybe don't stop, but know that I'm working things through?"

"Which is why I hadn't planned to tell you until you were better, Ryan," Horatio said. "I will continue as I have been as long as I have a promise from you to tell me if you need space, okay?"

"Yeah, I can do that," Ryan said. "I think I might be able to sleep now, H. Thank you."

"I'll stay until you're asleep, Ryan," Horatio said. "We'll know more tomorrow. You get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."


	25. Chapter 25

"Good morning, Eric," Horatio said, not turning around on the deck. "Ryan's still asleep."

"Calleigh asked me to stop by and let you know what she found last night," Eric said. "There's no tie to Frank, at least not an obvious one. However, there is a tie to that juvenile gang we busted up last month."

Horatio sighed. "Given what I could see of the tools left in the bushes, it wasn't one of the boys that came here last night, Eric," he said.

"Nope, remember that guy we were looking at for supplying them with alcohol and drugs, but we couldn't prove anything," Eric said. "It was his hand print on the window."

"Such an upstanding citizen, too," Horatio said with a small smile. "I think that we'll sit on this information for a day or two, Eric, and see if maybe he makes a return visit. We don't have the evidence to link him to the juvenile gang, but maybe we can bust him for this."

"It's your call. Calleigh filed the evidence and report with a note saying that you would be making the call on what to do next," Eric said. "How's Ryan holding up?"

"He was shaken, we both thought it was Frank at first," Horatio said. "Come and sit down. We talked for a bit before he was able to fall back asleep, and I'm not surprised he's still asleep this morning. I've checked on him twice, but he's fine. Just tired."

"What about his medicine?"

"He woke up long enough to take it with milk and then went back to sleep. I'm not going to let him sleep much longer, but if it helps him to heal, then I'm not going to force him out of bed either," Horatio said. "I seem to remember you being really tired your first few days out of the hospital."

Eric laughed. "Yeah, you think you're all ready to go, and then you find out you've been in bed too long," he said. "It's amazing how tired just walking makes you, and Ryan did swim a lot longer than I thought he would."

"Which is why I'm not too worried," Horatio said. "If he stays sleepy though, I'm going to take him back and have the doctors look at him to make sure there's no fluid build-up under his skull again."

"I don't think he could ask for a better caretaker than you, H," Eric said.

"I'm doing my best," Horatio said with a small smile. "What else has been happening at the lab, Eric?"

"Frank and I managed to break open our case and found the guys who dumped the bodies in the canal," Eric replied. "The catch to it is, they aren't the ones that killed the victims. They tried to get us to believe they were, but they didn't even know how the victims died. Until they're willing to talk though, we're hunting ghosts. The water did a number on our evidence."

"As it always does," Horatio said. "I'm sure you'll find something, Eric. I trained you well, and you know to look at every single thing, no matter how small."

"I've got two other cases going, with different detectives thankfully, but they're both pretty cut and dried," Eric said. "One is a robbery where we have clear video surveillance of the suspects, who were stupid enough not to wear masks, and the other is a homicide from a domestic dispute. That one's hard."

Horatio looked over. "Is the victim a male?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, the husband, and I keep seeing Ryan," Eric replied just as softly. "God, Horatio, we could have lost him so easily and none of us would have even known there was something wrong. Oh, and Stetler came to see me. Frank went to see a counselor, but I guess it didn't go that great."

"Until Frank is willing to admit some truths about himself, all sessions will go the same," Horatio said. "Eric, remember, we could have lost Ryan, but we didn't. Because he is a remarkable and strong man, he was able to escape and fight back. It's going to be hard going for a while, but he is still with us."

"Yeah, I just have to keep reminding myself," Eric said.

"I do too, Eric. I do too."


	26. Chapter 26

"I really don't want to get up," Ryan complained when Horatio finally went in to get him at noon.

"I'm sure you don't, but you need to," Horatio replied. "Come on, up and let's get you in the bath. Be good or I'll make it a cold bath."

Ryan snorted. "You would too, wouldn't you," he said. "Any idea why I'm tired and grouchy today?"

"I think we let you overdo a little yesterday," Horatio said. He settled Ryan on the towel he'd prepared and started the bath. "Eric had the same thing happen with him when he had his first big day after being in the hospital. If you're still feeling like this tomorrow though, we're going in for a check-up for you."

"Sounds good," Ryan said. "I don't think I realized how far I had to go when we were talking about it."

"You're making wonderful progress, Ryan, and I don't expect you to be cheerful and happy about everything. You are more than welcome to be grouchy, snappy, or upset. Don't hide emotions away because you're worried about hurting me. Here we go, up. Recovering emotionally is just as important as recovering physically, and it sounds to me like you have a lot of emotions to work through still."

Ryan settled into the warm water with a sigh. "I think this is probably my favorite thing," he said. "Can I tell you about it?"

"Of course you can." Horatio was in a t-shirt so he didn't have to roll up his sleeves. He picked up a washcloth and the soap and moved to start on Ryan's back. "You can tell me anything you want to, Ryan."

"One of my favorite things is showering or bathing with my lover," Ryan said. His head moved forward almost on it's own as Horatio went to work. "Frank seemed scared to see me naked. I don't know if I mentioned that part or not, but the night he hit me, I had the thought that if he didn't have to see me naked, if he always had me on my stomach or knees, he wouldn't have to admit that he was sleeping with a guy. I don't know what he was doing, Horatio, and I don't think he did either."

"It seems to me that he was hurting the both of you and, when he refused to admit there was a problem, only made it worse," Horatio said. "Ryan, you know as well as I do that communication is important in all relationships, not just romantic ones. When Frank shut you out, however he was doing it, he created a rift between you that grew every day. I can imagine that you would have worked to bridge that rift, but if he was trying to deny something, or escape something, then it would only grow no matter how hard your worked. Eventually you would have given up to protect yourself, which isn't fair to you."

Ryan sighed again. "I just feel so stupid, H. Everything Frank was doing should have sent up a warning flare, something to get me running in the other direction," he said. "I don't even know why he picked me. There's so much I don't understand."

"Would it help if I talked with him, tried to get you some answers?" Horatio asked. "Eric and Calleigh could come keep you company and you know you're safe here. Answers might help you heal, Ryan."

"I don't want to put you into danger though, Horatio."

Horatio leaned around so he could see Ryan's face. "Hey, Frank is in more danger from me than I am from him," he said. "Frank has bulk on him, he is stronger than me, but never doubt that I am the more dangerous of the pair, Ryan. My reputation is well earned."

"Why doesn't that scare me?" Ryan asked.

"Because you know that I will never hurt you," Horatio replied. "You trust me, Ryan, and I'm honored that you do."

"Yeah, that right there, that's why it doesn't scare me," Ryan said with a small smile. "Because you never use your reputation to hurt others. You use it to protect them, and that means safety."

"Good." Horatio smiled and went back to what he was doing. "The last thing I want to do is scare you, Ryan."

"I think it would take a lot to scare me, even with everything I've been through," Ryan said. "I don't feel so tired now, Horatio, but maybe we could hold off on the swimming for a couple of days?"

Horatio chuckled. "We can do that," he said.


	27. Chapter 27

Frank looked out the peephole in his front door and groaned. He thought about not opening the door, but knew that Horatio would know that he was home and hiding. With a sigh, he cracked the door open. "You feel safe coming onto my turf to talk, Horatio?" he asked.

"I do, Frank, because we both know who would win," Horatio replied. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure," Frank said. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"There's a few things I'm curious about, Frank, and seeing as I've heard your counseling sessions aren't going well, I thought maybe we could talk," Horatio said. "How does that sound?"

"Like the last thing I want to do," Frank said. He locked the door and started back towards the living room. "I don't understand why you're pushing this so hard, you know. Best thing you could do is let it drop."

Horatio stayed in the doorway and looked around the room. "I can't do that, Frank, and you know why I can't," he said. "How much research did you do before you asked Ryan out for the first time?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Frank. That is probably the least invasive question I'll be asking you tonight, so deal with it and give me an answer," Horatio said. "Do not lie to me about this, that is the last thing you want to do."

"Hell, Horatio, I went online and read some web pages," Frank said. "When I asked Ryan out the first time, I asked him if he'd dated guys before and he said he had. I admitted I hadn't, but wanted to give it a try."

"So why didn't you want to learn from him?" Horatio asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Two positions, Frank, both of which can be used for control over a partner," Horatio said. "Some men prefer them, others like to try new things in bed, which Ryan said he suggested and not only did you turn him down, you bit him hard enough to scar that night. Would it have been impossible for you to perform if he'd been on his side?"

"God damn it, Horatio, you can't just ask a guy questions like that."

Horatio chuckled. "Ryan told me that he believes you prefer the positions you forced him into every night because it meant you didn't have to touch him beyond holding onto his hips, and maybe you could pretend you weren't sleeping with a man," he said. "In fact, Frank, you did everything possible to show him that all you wanted was a warm body under you and not a relationship."

"I keep telling you that I love Ryan," Frank exclaimed.

"Forgive me if I continue not to believe that," Horatio replied. "Relationships between men aren't all that different from those between a man and a woman, Frank. In a healthy relationship, there should be kissing, hand holding, hugs, random touches, shared showers, anything you can think of. Now, I don't care if you were just ignorant of that or not, but you were emotionally abusing Ryan from the second day of your time together because you refused to touch him. Right now, he is so starved for touch that I don't know if he will ever recover from it."

"Is he recovering?" Frank asked.

"He is, but he has a long way to go," Horatio said. "That is all the detail you get, Frank. I still consider you to be an abuser, and you know my feelings on people like that. I would happily take every abuser alive out on a large ship and force them to jump off into the ocean."

"Your father."

"He was just one of many, Frank. When you grow up ducking for cover any time your father comes home, it gives you a different outlook on life," Horatio said. "So, now, I want you to think about this. Ryan gave you an honest chance in the relationship and, instead of doing the same for him, you put him in the hospital and through two operations. You, Frank, are not the victim here and you need to stop acting like it. Go back to counseling and be honest with them. That is the only way I will even consider allowing you to work a case with Ryan again."

"You can't demand something like that," Frank said.

"Frank, I run the lab. I can post my people where they will do the most good and where they will be safe," Horatio said. "You're not the only detective we work with. This is your last chance. Go to counseling and be honest. The only thing I'm hearing from you right now is whining, and it makes me sick."


	28. Chapter 28

"Ryan's asleep," Eric said when Horatio got home.

"I think we're going to be taking a trip tomorrow," Horatio replied. He sat down on the sofa and sighed. "Frank is acting like the victim in all of this, Eric, and I don't know how to get through to him. I've tried everything I can think of and I'm out of options."

Eric sighed too. "Too bad slapping him is out. It might wake him up."

"It might indeed, but it's too risky," Horatio said. "Everything could come out and that's the last thing I want to do to Ryan. I know my focus has to be on Ryan to help him heal, but he has questions there's no way to find the answers to, Eric, and I worry that's going to hurt him in the long term."

"We might have to break down and let them talk, well, if Ryan ever wants to," Eric said. "I can't imagine that he will, but it's possible that's going to be the only way we can get him answers to his questions. I'm still amazed they managed to hide their relationship at work."

"So am I, Eric. It's something I've been wondering about, actually. How did they manage to hide their relationship so well at work?" Horatio asked. "I use the term very loosely, of course, but none of us picked up on anything from either of them. Does it mean that we're not paying enough attention to our family?"

"There's only so much we can do before the gang would be upset at us poking our noses into their business," Eric pointed out. "You know that Cal and Alexx have a pretty good handle on things in the lab and will speak up if they think there's a problem."

"This was hidden from both of them, Eric. This was hidden from all of us," Horatio said. "It chills me to think that I'm missing something so important at work."

"H, you're always there," Eric said. "Sometimes literally. Speed and I used to joke that you slept in your office so you would be available for anything any time of the day. Everyone knows that you're there and they can come and talk to you about anything. From what Ryan's said when I've talked with him, he was still assessing things for himself and there wasn't enough concern to talk with anyone. I think he's as blind-sided by the assault as we were."

Horatio nodded. "He's told me the same. I'll be honest, Eric. I wouldn't have expected it from Frank," he said. "I've worked with him a long time and I'm still trying to figure out if I missed something or if he managed to hide from me all this time. There are just so many questions here, none of them with easy answers."

"There are so rarely easy answers to be found in domestic cases," Eric said. "I think this is hitting you harder than anyone, other than Ryan, because of your dad, H. You know what to look for in an abuser and you never saw it in Frank. I think something happened to him recently, this isn't something you were missing for years."

"You're probably right, Eric, but it still makes me wonder if I need to take another look at how I read and interact with our co-workers," Horatio said. "You know the statistics as well as I do."

"Yeah, but I think we've got a pretty good read on everyone we work with," Eric said. "Between us, Cal and Alexx, we know pretty much everyone in the department, H. That's a lot of officers and employees. I know I can't talk you out of this doubt, that's something you have to solve on your own, but I think you're doing everything you need to be and not missing anything. Hell, from the sounds of things, Frank doesn't even know why he beat Ryan. If the abuser doesn't know, no one will."

"Abuse is so illogical at times," Horatio sighed. "We probably won't ever be able to know exactly what happened to make Frank hit Ryan that first time. It might not have even been the refusal of sex. Something else might have happened that day that we don't know about, and Ryan hasn't told us."

"You guys are talking a lot, right?"

"About anything he wants to," Horatio said. "I know that's what he needs more than anything right now."

Eric nodded with a sigh. "I think, H, that you have this more under control than anyone could hope for," he said. "You guys need help getting to the doctor tomorrow?"

"We'll be fine, I don't know what time we're going to be going," Horatio said. "Give me a call if anything comes up at the lab, okay?"

"Of course."

"Thanks for being here today, Eric, I really appreciate it," Horatio said.

"No problem," Eric said with a grin. "There's food in the fridge if you're hungry. I'm going to head home. Have a good night, H."

"Drive safely, Eric."


	29. Chapter 29

"Well, there is some bloody fluid that we were able to drain out," the doctor said, joining Ryan and Horatio in the exam room. "It's the reason we're leaving the drain in right now, Ryan. Being able to get back to that spot without surgery is our goal. Lieutenant Caine, you were right to bring him back in. We need to talk with the dietitian about meals. Somehow, Ryan, you're losing iron and calcium."

"I haven't changed my diet any," Ryan said. "If anything, I'm eating better at Horatio's house than I did most nights on my own."

"Part of it is that your body is healing, so it's possible you're going to need a higher intake of the essential minerals for a few months," the doctor said. "Not every patient suffering this sort of trauma does, which is why we monitor, but don't prescribe immediately post surgery."

Ryan nodded. "That makes sense," he said. "Sorry to throw more problems into the mix, Horatio."

"Not a problem at all," Horatio said. "Doctor, would a multi-vitamin help at all?"

"Not as much as you're thinking, no, which is why we need to talk about diet changes," the doctor said. "It'll be easy enough to work out a diet for Ryan that will help him continue to heal and decrease the fatigue he's feeling. Now then, moving on, Ryan, you're ahead in your physical therapy. How are you feeling there?"

"I'm still wobbly when I first get up, but Horatio hasn't had to catch me yet today," Ryan said. "I think my legs are getting stronger. My balance is still off though."

"Which is to be expected. We'll send you home with some balance exercises to add in, and you can drop down the strength training in the legs if you feel comfortable enough doing that," the doctor said. "Are there any other problems or concerns you need me to address today?"

"I don't think so," Ryan said. "Horatio, can you think of anything?"

"How is his arm doing, doctor?" Horatio asked.

"Healing up nicely. The cast will have to stay on for another two and a half weeks, then there will be physical therapy to regain strength there," the doctor replied. "I think you'll find that easier than everything else we've thrown at you so far, Ryan."

Ryan grinned. "Probably. I've had broken arms before," he said. "I know I've still got a long way to go, doctor, but I'm feeling better today. Yesterday was a hard one for me."

"I think we let him overdo while swimming," Horatio said with a small grin.

"It's hard to know the limits you need to watch," the doctor said. "Ryan, just keep doing what you're doing. I'm extremely happy with what I'm seeing from you. Let's get the diet adjusted, give you your new exercises, and schedule you back in two and a half weeks to get that cast off."

"Sounds good to me," Ryan said.  
****

"Well, now we know the crankiness and fatigue were a combination of things," Ryan said, once he and Horatio were back at Horatio's house.

"Yes we do," Horatio said. "Alexx is going to go shopping for us, when I called to fill her in, she insisted. I think, Ryan, we're going to see a lot of green leafy veggies coming into the house here soon."

Ryan laughed. "That's a great mental image, H," he said. "I can picture Alexx as a drill sergeant marching the veggies into the house to help us out."

"She also wants to stay for supper," Horatio added with a smile. "I think she's going to want to talk with you about your recovery."

"I'd be surprised if she didn't try to pin me down the second she's handed over the groceries," Ryan said. "I don't know how much I want to talk with her about Frank, Horatio. It's one thing to talk to you about it. I know you understand because you've been in something similar. I know Alexx cares about me, but I just don't know that she really understands."

Horatio sat down next to Ryan and pulled him into a hug. "Alexx is going to respect your boundaries, Ryan. Tell her if you don't want to talk about something and she will back off the topic," he said. "She's also a great resource for us to find out other small things we can do to make you feel better."

"Okay," Ryan said. "Could we just sit like this for a minute? It feels nice."

"Of course we can," Horatio said. "For as long as you want."


	30. Chapter 30

"I feel stupid," Ryan commented the next morning when they were working on the first of the balance exercises. Horatio had cleared an area in the living room and the sofa cushions were on the floor in case Ryan fell. "Do I look stupid, Horatio?"

"You look like you need to get that foot higher," Horatio said.

"This is as high as it's going right now." Ryan wobbled a little and tried to catch himself, but couldn't and ended up on the cushions. "I never thought standing on one foot would be this hard. Can I have my arms out until I catch my balance?"

Horatio helped him up and straightened the cushions. "Sure, but make sure you bring them down slowly, Ryan," he said. "Otherwise you'll just fall over again. I'm going to stand in behind you for this. The cushions are good, but I'd like to keep you off the floor as much as we can, especially with your arm."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I'll be fine. Okay, arms out, foot up, eyes straight ahead, chin up," Horatio said. "The room isn't moving, Ryan, no matter how much you think it is. Your center of balance is just where it always was, you just need to find it again. There you go, easy now. Arms down, Ryan. Slowly."

"If I wanted to do gymnastics, I would've signed up for a course," Ryan grumbled. He knew the exercises were important, that he had to do them in order to get back to work, but at the same time, he felt like he was about three again and learning everything all over again.

"Hey, I know you're frustrated," Horatio said softly. "Deep breath, Ryan. Don't hold your breath during this or else you'll be in trouble."

Ryan let his foot drop and sighed. "I'm sorry, Horatio, I'm dumping all of this on you and it's not fair," he said.

"Come here." Horatio pulled Ryan into a hug and held on when Ryan started crying. "I've got you, Ryan, just let it all out. You're fine. Whatever happens here will never be spoken about again if that's what you want."

"How did I let this happen, H?"

"You were trying to find love," Horatio said softly. "You wanted to believe that you were loved by the person who asked you to be in a relationship with them. You were watching, Ryan, you were smart. Events moved out of your control and that was the only thing that is to blame here. You're not at fault. You're not stupid. Do I have stupid people on my team?"

"No," Ryan said, managing a small laugh.

"No. Frank fooled you, Ryan. He fooled everyone and you're suffering for that. You are a survivor, Ryan, and that's the most important thing for you to remember."

"What's going to happen when I got back to work, Horatio?" Ryan asked. The tears had stopped, but he stayed where he was. "You can't be with me every second of the day, you have too much going on. How are we going to be sure that Frank can get to me again?"

"Ryan, if I can't be in with you, then I'll make sure that Eric or Calleigh is, okay?" Horatio asked. "They might not be able to stop Frank with words like I can, but they will be able to cause enough of a fuss that Frank will back off. It's risky, but remember you have us, Alexx, and Rick Stetler on your side. I will make sure that you are never hurt by Frank again."

Ryan looked up at Horatio. "He's still going to want to talk to me, Horatio," he said. "I don't know if I can do that."

"Then tell him you're busy and get back to work," Horatio said. "If he keeps pestering you, text me and I will call him to tell him to back off. The lab is not the place to be talking about this anyway, Ryan, and if he wants to push the topic, it will reflect badly on him. You have done nothing wrong."

"I don't want people to know I'm gay," Ryan said softly.

"It's a hard piece of yourself to hide away, isn't it?" Horatio asked. "Ryan, if anyone tries to hurt you for being you, they will find out exactly how quickly the lab family protects one of their own. If they happen to survive that, then they will have me to deal with. We are professionals who are judged only on our work, not who we choose to sleep with, or who we love."

"I'm scared, Horatio," Ryan admitted.

"Hey, I know you are," Horatio said. "I know you are, and all I can do is keep telling you that I'm here. I'm here and I will not leave you no matter what, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan said. "Uhm, sorry, H."

Horatio had been ignoring the erection poking him in the hip. It was a good sign, showing that Ryan was recovering. "It's fine, Ryan," he said. "Don't be embarrassed when that starts happening again. I'm not going to be far behind you, but it goes no further until you give the word."

"Thanks, H."

Horatio pulled Ryan into a tighter hug and rested his head against Ryan's. "I'm not going anywhere, Ryan," he said softly. "Not anywhere."


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one. I'm drafting a new novel with a difficult style and it's taking up almost all of my attention right now. I'll try to do better about getting back to my updates when I can.

Roughly a week later, Horatio was on the back deck watching Eric and Ryan swimming when he felt someone behind him on the deck. "Hello, Rick."

"I wish I knew how the hell you were able to do that, Horatio," Rick said, sitting down across the table. "How is Ryan doing?"

"He has his good days and bad days, as is to be expected," Horatio said. "His next visit to the doctor will be to take the cast off and we'll be starting physical therapy on his arm. I would say he will be able to come back to do paperwork by the end of the month if he keeps improving like he is."

Rick nodded. "I've talked with Eric, Calleigh and Alexx Woods, and all three of them say they'll be right at Ryan's side to help keep him safe at work," he said. "I'm a little worried that someone is going to notice and start asking questions if they all do that."

"They're going to help if I need to be in the field. For the first couple of weeks he's back at the lab, Ryan will be using my office to work on cold cases and he can lock himself in there," Horatio said. "I'm hoping that Frank isn't stupid enough to try and break down my office door at the lab."

"I don't think he is, but then again, his behavior recently hasn't exactly been like the man I've watched for years," he said.

"What's been going on?" Horatio asked.

"He's surlier than I've seen, not talking with his fellow detectives as much, and he's losing weight," Rick replied. "I've tried to talk to him a couple of times, but he won't listen to me. I'm honestly getting concerned about him, Horatio. I'm wondering if there's not something else bothering him that he's trying to hide from everyone."

Horatio bit his lip. "I'll see if I can get him to the doctor for a check-up," he finally said. "Frank's going to fight me on it, but I think I might be the only person left in Miami that he'll be willing to listen to. I don't know how I missed all the signs for this, Rick. I'm still trying to figure that out. It's bothering me a lot."

"You're not all-seeing, Horatio, no matter what everyone at the department thinks," Rick said. "Sometimes people are good enough to hide things from you."

"You know my past," Horatio said softly. "You know exactly what environment I grew up in, Rick. I'm extra alert to any hint of domestic problems, you know that. Now I don't know if that means Frank never gave any hint of violence before he hit Ryan that night, or if he is just good enough to have kept it hidden from everyone. The emotional abuse, that was from the beginning, but Ryan says there was no physical abuse until the night he came to me."

"Frank's got problems, that much is obvious," Rick said. He paused when the younger men joined them on the deck. "Ryan, you look like you're healing up well."

"Stetler," Ryan said. "I'm working on it."

"Rick came to see how you're doing, Ryan," Horatio said. "He's concerned about you."

Ryan took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, it's just weird to see you and not be scared about what you're going to do to me or my case," he said.

"I can imagine," Rick said with a smile. "I'm not going to change my approach at work, gentlemen, but know that I'm on your side when it comes to your assault and recovery. As long as I don't think it's going to interfere with a case, I'm not going to hover."

"I'm not going back in the lab until I retake some tests and make sure that I can do my job without risking a case," Ryan said. "Horatio's getting it set up for me. Once I have the cast off, I'll be studying as well as going through physical therapy to get me back to the lab."

"What happens if Frank tries to catch you in the hallway?" Rick asked.

"I'm going to be polite, professional, and then break down in Horatio's office where no one can see me," Ryan replied. "I know there's going to be problems, Stetler, and there's no way we can plan for every one of them."

"No we can't," Horatio agreed quietly. "However, we can prepare for scenarios just like we would for any given question. We'll have a few plans in place by the time Ryan comes back to work, Rick. If you'd like, I can give you printouts of them."

Rick snorted. "I'll take your word for it, Horatio."


	32. Chapter 32

"Frank."

"God damn it, Horatio, quit sneaking up on me," Frank said, spinning around. "You back at work?"

Horatio pushed off the wall just outside the doors to the detective offices with a small smile. "Not for another two weeks," he said softly. "I'm here to take you to the doctor, Frank. You can put up a fuss if you want, but think how that will look to your coworkers."

"Horatio...."

"What, Frank?"

"Nothing, let's go." Frank started down the stairs towards Horatio's Hummer. He got in and fastened his seat belt without a word. Horatio slid into the driver's seat and glanced over at Frank, but didn't say anything. He just pulled out into traffic, heading for the hospital.

"This isn't the way to my doctor's office," Frank said.

"I know that, Frank," Horatio said. "We're going to the hospital so they can run tests on you immediately if they decide it's necessary. I talked with the doctors there and we're expected."

"I'm fine, Horatio."

"I'm sure you are, Frank, but I just want to make sure of that," Horatio said. "If I had to guess, you've lost ten pounds over the past two and a half weeks, and that isn't healthy."

Frank snorted. "Yeah, well, I've been under a lot of stress and haven't been hungry," he said.

"May I remind you that you are not the victim in all of this, Frank," Horatio said softly. "You need to stop acting like one and start acting like the adult you are. Hand down, Frank. You do not want to do that."

"I wasn't gonna hit you, Horatio. I'm not suicidal."

"Good. We'll just make sure of that, won't we?" Horatio asked.

"Great."  
****

"Horatio."

"Doctor. How is he?" Horatio asked, standing up. They'd been working closely enough to help Ryan recover that Horatio had asked the doctor to use his first name, if only for convenience when trying to relay information quickly.

"Physically Detective Tripp is fine," the doctor replied. "All of his tests are coming back normal and I'm not seeing anything to worry me, except for the weight loss."

"He said that he's stressed and isn't hungry."

"That's possible, especially given the events of the past few weeks," the doctor said. "I'm going to keep him here for a few days, have him speak with a couple of different people. I think we can help him out without too much trouble."

Horatio sighed. "He's refused to admit to any wrong-doing, doctor," he said.

"We'll talk to him. I'll call when he can go home again," the doctor said. "How's Ryan doing, by the way?"

"He's healing. He's being able to cry, and I think that is helping him a lot," Horatio said. "He's certainly less restless at night. My guestroom is just down the hall and I could hear him moving around in his sleep. That's stopped the past couple of days, although I don't know if he's realized it or not."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it," the doctor said. "I'll keep saying it, Horatio, but everyone should be so lucky as to have you next to them for a traumatic event."

"I do my best to help where I can," Horatio said. "Ryan was swimming when I left to pick Frank up at the department. My guess is that he'll be napping when I get home. Are we still on for taking the cast off?"

The doctor nodded. "We'll double-check everything then, but we should be able to take it off on schedule," he said. "Call me if you have any concerns or problems."

"I will. Thank you for all your help today, doctor. I want to be sure Frank is okay too."

"That right there is the difference between you and everyone else," the doctor said.

"Doctor, my father beat my mother to death," Horatio said softly. "I know what to look for with domestic abuse and Frank never showed me one indication, one hint, that he was a risk to be an abuser. There's something else going on, some other reason he hit Ryan, and I want to know what it is."


	33. Chapter 33

"How'd it go?" Eric asked when Horatio came into the kitchen.

"They say he's physically healthy, no tumors or other problems," Horatio replied, sitting down at the breakfast bar. "But they're going to keep him and have a few other specialists talk with him. There's something we're missing, Eric."

Eric pushed a can of diet coke over to Horatio and went back to whatever it was he was cooking. "Yeah, I've been noticing it too," he said. "I think I know what it is, too."

"Tell me?"

"Frank has said repeatedly that he loves Ryan," Eric said. "That he doesn't know what happened the night he put Ryan in the hospital. What if he really doesn't know, H? One irrational action and suddenly he's been branded an abuser and blocked from talking with the one he loves. You know I'm not excusing his actions, when Ryan said no that should have been the end of it, but you know that Frank can be a bit obsessive. I bet he's been killing himself trying to figure out what he was doing that night, how he hurt Ryan so badly, and that's why he's lost the weight and looks so sick."

"Ryan is the one that has to reestablish contact," Horatio said. "I'm not pushing him to do it, and honestly, given the past few days, it would be more of a set-back to Ryan's recovery than anything else. Frank has tried three times to physically intimidate me, Eric. That's not the man I knew."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. There's something else going on, but I think that he's killing himself trying to figure out why he hit Ryan in the first place," Eric said. "Here, try this. Momma gave me the recipe when I told her I was coming over to take care of Ryan today."

Horatio took the plate and offered fork. "Thank you," he said. "How did Ryan do swimming today?"

"He was able to walk down to the surf by himself, but I had to help him back up to the deck and in the shower," Eric replied. "His balance is better, but I think he needs to start working on his stamina a bit."

"When I'm sure he's not going to fall over, I plan to start walking up and down the street, maybe around the block a few times," Horatio said. "This is good, Eric. Thank your mother for me, please."

"Glad it turned out," Eric said. "Momma made this for us when we weren't feeling good, but she never gave me the recipe before. I think this is one of her own creations, but I'm not sure."

"Your mother is a fantastic cook, Eric. I've always been amazed at what she can create," Horatio said. "How are things at work?"

"They're good. We miss you guys, of course, but we're managing," Eric said. "Was that Ryan?"

"Let me go check," Horatio said. He pushed off the stool and headed towards the guest room, where he found Ryan sitting on the floor. "Hey there."

Ryan shook his head and started to laugh. "I think I got up before I was awake, Horatio," he said. "I'm okay."

"Glad to hear it," Horatio said, helping Ryan up. "Bathroom or dresser?"

"Dresser. I could smell dinner and wanted to come out and join you guys, but didn't think my boxers would be acceptable."

"Do you want to try jeans or just stick with sleep pants?" Horatio asked.

"Sleep pants, that way I can go to sleep in them if I have to," Ryan replied. "What did the doctor have to say, H?"

"Here, sit." Horatio put Ryan in the chair by the bathroom door and went to dig out a pair of sleep pants for the younger man. "Frank is physically fine, Ryan. There's no medical reason for him to have hit you like he did. The doctor is going to have some people talk with him, counselors I would imagine, but until Frank can admit that he made a horrible mistake and almost killed the man he claims to love, there's nothing anyone can do for him."

"I can't do it, H. I can't face him."

"Hey now, I know," Horatio said. "It's okay, Ryan, you don't have to. You are the one calling the shots here and I would never push for you to do anything you don't want to, okay?"

Ryan nodded and wiped his eyes. "Okay."

"Okay," Horatio said. "Here you go, let's get you dressed and fed. It sounds to me like you might need an early night."


	34. Chapter 34

"How do you do it, H?" Ryan asked later that night.

"Do what?" 

Ryan looked over at the red head. Horatio was in his recliner, leaving the sofa for Ryan to stretch out on. "Care about everyone," he said. "I mean, I know you and Frank have been friends for years and you're upset about everything that happened, but I just don't understand how you can do it."

"Because everyone deserves to have someone worry about them until they prove that they aren't worthy of that concern," Horatio said. "Growing up, Ryan, I didn't have anyone. Everyone was scared of my father and I learned very early on to hide when he was angry about anything, from what we were having for supper to the evening news. I decided early on that, if I lived to be an adult, I would make it a point to care for and worry about anyone who needed me to. Right now that does include Frank, but don't think that I'm not furious with him for hurting you."

"I didn't doubt that part. I just don't understand how you can be helping me like you are and still be helping Frank."

Horatio stood and moved to sit down next to Ryan's hip. "Because, right now, I'm the only one Frank is listening to, Ryan," he said. "Frank is lost, he's brought a lot of hurt onto himself and he needs to know that no matter how much I'd like to punch him, I'm still going to help him. Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"No, I'm just worried he'll hurt you too."

"Ryan, I don't let anyone at the lab see it, but I am capable of fighting," Horatio said. "I usually talk people down, try to solve problems without violence, but I am not only one of the top ranked shooters in the lab, I'm a fighter."

"I can't picture it," Ryan said with a small smile.

"That's because you've never seen me fight," Horatio said. "I'm sneaky, Ryan, so I don't have to fight. I don't want to end up like my father, relying on my fists for everything, but if I have to, I will fight back, and I will win because I am not going to draw the fight out."

Ryan looked over. "So you'll break their nose and get them on the ground before they know what's happening?" he asked.

"Yep." Horatio smiled sadly. "Frank has raised a hand to me three different times, Ryan, but he's backed off every time because he has seen me fight and he knows that he will be the loser if he even tries it."

"You have such a strong aura, Horatio," Ryan said. He reached up, hand hovering near Horatio's face. "Can I touch?"

"Whatever you're comfortable with," Horatio said softly.

Ryan cupped Horatio's cheek softly. "I watched you for a while, before approaching you about transferring into the lab," he said. "I just couldn't believe how you had control over everything in the field without ever raising your voice and I never understood it. Not until I worked my first crime scene with you."

"What did you understand then, Ryan?" Horatio said, leaning into the touch.

"That you had control because you have the respect of everyone in the department, and a fair portion of Miami, too," Ryan said. "I still don't know how, but I know why."

Horatio smiled. "I listen, Ryan," he said. "I take the time to care for people, to be there when they need me, and they realize it. Respect is mutual."

"I think I'm starting to realize that." Ryan pushed up on his other hand and kissed Horatio softly. Horatio caught Ryan around the chest so he wouldn't be putting weight on his broken arm and tilted his head a little, letting Ryan lead. "Wow."

"Wow indeed," Horatio said, kissing Ryan's nose softly.

"Could I maybe sleep with you tonight, Horatio?" Ryan asked softly. "Just sleeping. I'm not ready for anything else, but I miss having someone to cuddle with at night."

"Sure," Horatio said with a smile. "Why don't we get you through the shower and head to bed?"

Ryan nodded and let Horatio help him to his feet. He wasn't sure of anything, scared that he was moving too fast, but the one thing Ryan knew was that Horatio wasn't going to force him into anything. The red head would rather kill himself first.


	35. Chapter 35

"Well now, the arm looks good," the doctor said as he washed away the last of the casting material. "You said you've had broken bones before, Ryan?"

"Yeah, I wasn't exactly the most graceful kid in the world," Ryan replied with a wry grin. "I know what I need to do to get it back in shape, unless you have something special in mind for me."

"Nope, you just do what you need to, work with the strength trainers we're sending home with you, and you'll be fine," the doctor said. "I also have to report that your latest scans look good so we need to schedule you in to take that drain out of your head."

Ryan couldn't help the grin. "I know I still have work to do, Doc, but that's the best news you could've given me."

"You've made wonderful progress, Ryan. I'm proud of how hard you've been working to get back to your pre-injury condition," the doctor said. "I know that Horatio has had a large hand in helping you, but you're the one doing the work, and it's not easy. It's also not usual to see you here without Horatio."

"He wanted to talk with one of the counselors about something," Ryan said. "I'm sure he'll be back when he's done."

"You're okay to be on your own like this?"

"I'm nervous about it, but I also know that I can yell for help and there will be people who will come and help me if I need it," Ryan said. "Work is going to be stressful, but Horatio's office is secure. I know I'll be safe in there."

"I'll also be close," Horatio said, shutting the door behind him. "Sorry to miss such a big moment, Ryan, but I needed to check on something."

"It's okay," Ryan said with a smile. "I know you're trying to help Frank too, Horatio. You don't have to hide that. The doctor wants to schedule me to take the drain out."

Horatio smiled. "Does he now," he said. "Doctor?"

"Ryan's scans look good enough that he's been cleared to have the drain taken out," the doctor said. "I would say that, barring any alarming changes, we can safely see him in two month's time, Horatio."

"How long will it take to remove the drain?"

"It's an out-patient procedure," the doctor said. "There will be stitches that have to come out, but there's no reason to keep him overnight. I'd estimate the surgery at about two hours."

"All right, let's get that scheduled in then," Horatio said. "Excited, Ryan?"

"You have no idea, H."  
****

"How's Frank doing?" Ryan asked when the pair was home again. The surgery would be done the following afternoon.

"The counselor told me that they'd made a breakthrough and Frank is starting to eat again," Horatio replied. He put a plate in front of Ryan and sat down across from him. "He's been staying in one of the small cottages they have on site for treatments like this. I think that Frank is starting to understand himself a little better, Ryan, and that means he can start to understand why he ignored and beat you."

Ryan let out a shuddering breath. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that hand hitting me," he said. "I don't remember much from that night, but I remember that, Horatio. I've been meaning to ask, would it be possible for you and Eric to help me pack up my things? I want to find a new apartment. I don't think that I'd be able to go back to that one and feel safe."

"Of course we can," Horatio said. "You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you want, right?"

"Yeah, I know, but even if we do start dating, I want my own place for a while," Ryan said. "I jumped into things too quickly with Frank, Horatio, and I can't do that to myself again. I guess I need to know I have my own place where I can be on my own when I need to be."

"I understand," Horatio said. "You do what you need to do to feel safe, Ryan. I'm never going to press you away from the lab, okay?"

"Yeah, I know," Ryan grinned. "Would you be able to get me those training binders tomorrow? I'd like to start studying."

Horatio nodded. "I'll have Eric bring them over while we're at the hospital. I don't want to leave you there alone just because Frank is so close by."

"Sounds good. Thanks, Horatio."

"Any time, Ryan. Any time."


	36. Chapter 36

"They said you wanted to see me, Frank."

"Damn it, Horatio," Frank said, trying not to jump.

Horatio smiled and sat down across the table from Frank. "I understand you've made some break-throughs, Frank," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Like an idiot," Frank said. "I'm sorry for everything, Horatio. When Ryan told me no that night, I acted irrationally and destroyed something I was still struggling to understand. How is he?"

"He's not broken, Frank, but it's a near thing," Horatio said. "Ryan is in surgery having a drain removed from his skull and I would estimate he has another month before he's able to return to work. You could have killed him that night, Frank, and that's not something that I'll ever be able to forgive."

"Yeah, I know," Frank sighed. "They tell me I've still got a lot of work to do here before they'll let me back to work again. I think my fighting them for the first week didn't help me much."

"I'm curious what caused the change in attitude, Frank."

"A little girl came in while I was walking around the grounds. Her daddy had just killed her mother and beaten the girl so badly that she's blind now," Frank said. "I looked at her and realized that I'd done exactly the same thing to Ryan. Lucky for me I had an orderly following me, I collapsed. Sarah, that's the girl, she's in therapy now and she's really taken to me. They were wary about letting me near her at first, as they should have been, but she wouldn't leave me alone. Kept saying I needed someone to talk to. Didn't care a thing about herself, just worried about me. The therapy staff says we're helping each other, but I don't know if that's true or not."

Horatio nodded. "I think you are, Frank," he said. "I'm guessing you're still being watched closely with her."

"Two counselors, three male nurses and two therapists," Frank said. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Sarah asked me why I was here and I told her I'd hurt my boyfriend badly and he'd almost died and I was trying to work out why. She told me that her daddy hit when he was mad about something and asked if I was mad when I'd hit Ryan."

"What did you tell her?" Horatio asked.

"Nothing. I was crying too hard to talk at that point," Frank admitted. "She just sat with me until I stopped and told me I'm a better man than her daddy because I'm trying to learn not to be mad and not to hit people."

"Sarah sounds like a very remarkable young lady," Horatio said. "I'm glad you have someone to help you, Frank."

"Thanks for dragging my ass here, Horatio," Frank said. "I didn't know how badly I needed help."

"You're welcome, Frank. We're going to have new rules in place when both you and Ryan are back at work," Horatio said. "You still won't be allowed to be near him when he's alone."

"I've accepted it's over, which was something I hadn't been able to do before," Frank said. "I'm still not sure why I hit him that night, Horatio, but I'm trying."

Horatio nodded again. "You're finding your inner strength again, Frank, and that's good," he said. "I think that Sarah will help you more than anyone thought. I'm glad that the therapy staff is letting you speak with her."

"I am too," Frank said.  
****

When Horatio got back into the building, he stopped by the nurses station and asked after Sarah. He wasn't surprised to find out that she'd died from her injuries before they could help her. Horatio asked to talk with Frank's doctor and made the request that no one tell him Sarah was a ghost. He didn't think that knowing that would help Frank continue to heal. The therapist agreed, although he admitted he had concerns about Frank's mental condition. Horatio smiled and said that Frank was healing the only way he knew how.


	37. Chapter 37

Horatio was in the recovery room when Ryan was brought in. They'd shaved his head again, but Horatio knew it was probably for the last time. "How did it go?" he asked softly.

"Textbook, which was just what we were hoping for," the doctor said. "He should be awake in an hour or so and you can take him home in two. You have the lists of what to watch out for to be sure that he's not having problems again?"

"I do," Horatio said. "Doctor, I wanted to ask you a question you might not be qualified to answer, but I know you won't judge."

"What is it, Horatio?"

"Frank is hallucinating and I'm not sure exactly what that means," Horatio said. "When I went to see him, he told me about a young girl named Sarah that was talking with him a lot and helping him come to terms with everything that he's done to Ryan. Sarah was beaten by her father and died here in the operating room. Frank told me that when he talks with Sarah there are nurses and therapists standing guard to be sure he doesn't hurt her, and I'm wondering if this means he's healing the only way he knows how, or if there's a deeper issue here."

The doctor sat down next to Horatio. "Mental health isn't my strong point, Horatio, but it sounds to me like Frank is suffering a break from reality," he said. "Not a severe one because he is fully aware of himself and his surroundings. This is the first I've heard about Sarah. Would you like me to speak with his primary therapist and see if we need to run some more tests?"

"No, I spoke with them and asked that Frank be monitored but not stopped or told that Sarah is dead," Horatio said. "I do know that's risky, but she's helping him come to terms with things better than anyone else has been able to. I truly believe that she's there, not a vision, but a ghost he's interacting with. I'm a bit more concerned about the adult guards he thinks are around him."

"Well, it's possible that Sarah is creating the image of guards around them because she knows that's what Frank needs to be able to talk openly with her," the doctor said. "I know it's not really professional of me, but I do believe in ghosts. I've seen too much that's unexplained in my life to not. Ghosts are the unknown in our world."

Horatio nodded. "So it's possible these aren't hallucinations, but projections," he said.

"I wonder if Sarah would talk with you, Horatio," the doctor said. "You project an aura of being safe and you're obviously trying to help Frank out. She's befriended and is protecting Frank. It's entirely possible she would meet with you."

"If she doesn't, that could make things worse for Frank," Horatio said. "I think I'll leave them be for now, doctor. Thank you for listening. I really appreciate it."

"No problem at all, Horatio, that's what I'm here for. I'm impressed you're managing to help both people in this without hurting either of them," he said. "Normally I would have advised against even trying to help the abuser and the victim."

"Ryan asked me how I was doing it," Horatio said, looking over at the young man in the bed. "If I didn't believe my own judgement, doctor, I wouldn't be able to do this. I know what abusers look like, what to watch for, the small tells they project to those that know what to look for. I have never once seen anything like that from Frank. I don't know why he hit Ryan. Frank doesn't know why he hit Ryan. That's why I'm able to help them both, because they are both victims here."

"I never thought of it like that. Frank is a victim of himself," the doctor said. "That's not true for all abusers though, is it?"

"No, it's not, and if I ever see one tell from Frank that he's hurting another person, I will arrest him myself," Horatio said. "Right now though, right now he needs as much help as Ryan does. I'm just glad he's finally able to get it."


	38. Chapter 38

"Do you know the one thing I hate about the drugs they use to knock me out?" Ryan asked later that night.

"What's that?"

"I don't remember coming back to your place," Ryan said. "I didn't say or do anything, did I?"

Horatio smiled fondly. "Nothing. You slept in the Hummer and spent most of the afternoon asleep on the sofa," he said. "Now we just have to keep an eye on your stitches and start getting you ready to go back to work."

"It's scary, thinking about being around Frank again," Ryan said. "I never thought I'd say that about him, but it is."

"He won't be back for a while, Ryan. Frank has found a friend at the counseling center and she's helping him come to terms with everything that's happened so far," Horatio said. "The only catch is that Sarah is a ghost and Frank doesn't realize that."

Ryan blinked a few times. "Okay, that's honestly not the weirdest thing I've heard since I moved to Miami," he said. "A ghost?"

"We think so. Sarah's father beat both her and her mother to death, Ryan, but Sarah died at the hospital. We're not sure what happened, how this came to be, but she's attached herself to Frank and has been talking with him," Horatio said. "From what Frank told me while you were in surgery, he's been able to come to terms with some things that happened after he beat you so badly."

"What's going to happen to him when he finds out the truth?"

"I don't know, it could go either way at this point," Horatio said. He helped Ryan sit up and handed him a blanket. "Ready for supper?"

"Sure."

"I talked with the team working with Frank and asked they not tell him the truth about Sarah," Horatio said, heading towards the kitchen. "She's helping him, however this is working between them, and I don't want him to lose the first person he feels comfortable speaking with. They're keeping an eye on him, but I think he's going to be there a while, Ryan."

"I wish I knew how things got so messed up, Horatio," Ryan said with a sigh.

"That's not uncommon." Horatio came back in with two plates and handed one to Ryan. "There were time when I was growing up when I wondered what happened when my father was finished destroying something. How life could be so screwy to put me in such a situation without giving me clues to deal with it better, or to get out of there safely. I just wish I could have saved you all of this, Ryan."

"You're here, Horatio, and that's what's helping me so much," Ryan said. "It's going to be scary to be back on my own, but I think it's a step I need to take to be sure that my life is what I want."

Horatio nodded. "Whatever you need to do, Ryan, I'll support you," he said. "Eric went over and started boxing up some of your things. He's being careful to keep the books together by subject for you. When you're feeling a little better, we can go look at apartments."

"I never thought I'd be okay with anyone else packing my things," Ryan said with a wry grin. "I guess Eric knows me well enough to not trigger me though."

"He does and he's being careful," Horatio said. "He also cleaned out your kitchen. There were some things starting to go bad in the fridge."

"That's fine, I'm not worried about that at all," Ryan said. "So, I guess tomorrow we get started on my new physical therapy?"

"That and studying to get you back up to speed for your tests," Horatio said. "I think, Ryan, that you are healing better than you think you are."


	39. Chapter 39

"Hey H, can I ask you something," Ryan said from where he was reading on the sofa.

"Of course you can," Horatio replied. He put down the report he'd been reviewing from Calleigh on the man that tried to break into his house. They'd had a tail on him since he was identified, and it made for very interesting reading. "What's on your mind?"

"I'm just wondering how you're okay with me going to my own place," Ryan said. "I mean, you've made the offer to stay here, but you didn't even blink when I said I wanted to get my own place."

Horatio moved over next to Ryan. "Hey now, where's this coming from?" he asked softly. "What's going on, Ryan."

"I guess I'm just confused and freaking out a little."

"Okay, one step at a time here then," Horatio said. "You said you want your own place to be able to be sure that you're moving in the direction you want to be, and I respect that. As soon as the doctor clears you to be on your own, if that's what you want at that time, then we can start apartment hunting for you. You're a very smart young man, Ryan, and you have to trust yourself to make the right choices."

"I gave Frank a key to my place pretty early on," Ryan admitted. "He was nervous about me being at his house, which I can understand, so I thought it'd be easier to meet up at my apartment. I'm in a pretty out of the way area, or was, and thought that Frank would feel safer there."

"Everyone needs their own space, Ryan, even if it's just a room in a house," Horatio said. "You will always have a place here, but if being in your own apartment, a place that you have the only key to, makes you feel safe and helps you heal, then that's what you need to do. I meant it when I said I would be next to you for everything, Ryan. I'm here and I'm not going to vanish just because we don't see each other every night before bedtime."

Ryan couldn't help the small smile. "We spend most of the day together at the lab anyway," he said.

"Yes we do, which is one reason I know you need your own space," Horatio said. "Ryan, I think that you need to find your footing as a single man again. That you realize this too means that we have the same expectations for how your recovery will go. I'm here, whatever you want, whenever you're ready. I'm not going to push you, okay?"

"That's pretty obvious, H," Ryan said. "I think there's a regulation three inches between us here."

"I didn't want to presume," Horatio said.

Ryan slid over and nudged up under Horatio's arm. "Thank you," he said. "I know I keep saying it, but I mean it every time I do, Horatio. I still don't remember getting here, find you, but I had to have known you would keep me safe even when I wasn't able to think clearly."

"I will do everything in my power to keep you safe," Horatio said softly. "Ryan, you know how I feel, where I would like our relationship to go. Once you find your footing again, if you want this, then come back to me."

"How could I not want this?" Ryan asked. "You're everything I look for, Horatio. I don't know why I didn't realize it before all this happened. Well, okay, let me rephrase that. I don't know why I didn't realize you were bisexual."

Horatio chuckled. "Very few people know the truth," he said. "You knew I'd been married and it's not hard to think that I'm heterosexual. I don't blame you for not wanting to ask. As you said, it's safer to hide away in our line of work."

"Yeah, but you would never tell anyone," Ryan said.

"There's still the fear of being outed, Ryan," Horatio said. "We've managed to find each other, my family understands and wants me to be happy. The lab family wants us both to be happy. I think we have all the bases covered."

"You told Yelina?" Ryan asked.

"No, I'm sorry, I meant Eric and his parents," Horatio said. "I don't speak with Yelina much anymore. I wanted to be sure that the Delkos understood that I still love Mari very much, but that I feel ready to love again."

"I've met Momma Delko, I can only imagine what she had to say to that," Ryan said with a smile. "So, I'll still have a chance even if I want to take a year to be on my own?"

Horatio pressed a soft kiss to Ryan's shaved head. "You'll have a chance no matter how long you need," he said. "I'm here, Ryan, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks, H," Ryan said softly.


	40. Chapter 40

Horatio parked the Hummer and looked over at Ryan. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?" he asked softly. "You have another two weeks' leave if you need it."

"I need to be doing something, H," Ryan replied. "I'm not quite ready to take the tests and I know I'm not ready to be back out in the field, but you said there's cold cases that I could look at, so I'll look at them."

"Okay," Horatio said. "We'll set you up in my office and you can lock yourself in."

Ryan couldn't help but smile. "You sound like a parent who is suffering first day of school panic, Horatio," he said.

"Did you remember your lunch?" Horatio asked, pulling a laugh from the younger man. "I'm probably just about as nervous as you are, Ryan. This is a big step for you to be taking, but if this is what you want, then I'll be right here the whole way."

"I know you will, H, and that's why I know I can do this," Ryan said. 

"All right, then here we go," Horatio said.

The pair made their way into the lab and were almost to Horatio's office before they were spotted. "Ryan Wolfe, what are you doing back here so early?"

"Cold case reading?" Ryan said, turning around. "I'm doing fine, Alexx."

"You'll let me be the judge of that, young man," Alexx said. "My office, now. March."

Ryan handed his bag over to Horatio. "Guess I'm getting a check-up," he said. "See you in a bit?"

"You okay to be on your own?" Horatio asked.

"Right now, I think Alexx would stab anyone that tried to come near me," Ryan replied. "I'll be fine, Horatio."

"All right, I'll be in my lab when you're done then," Horatio said.

Alexx fell into step next to Ryan. "He's still worried about you?"

"Nightmares," Ryan said. "I don't remember anything after I was hit the first time, but it seems like my mind is trying to find those memories when I'm asleep. I know it'll get better as I get father away from the actual attack, but it's hard to remember at two in the morning when I'm in bed shaking."

"You'll get better, sugar," Alexx said. "I don't know that you need to remember anything after you were hit, but if your mind wants to bring those memories back, then it will and there's nothing you can really do about it. What about everything else? How's your PT going?"

"Good. I made it half a mile yesterday before I had to take a break," Ryan said. "It's going to be a couple of months before I can qualify to be back in the field, but there's enough going on here to keep me busy while I'm getting back in shape."

"Up on the table, Ryan," Alexx said. "Let me get a look at you."

Ryan sighed. "I don't suppose telling you that I had a full exam yesterday would do any good, would it?" he asked.

"Not at all. Up."

"Yeah, that's about what I figured," Ryan said. He managed to get onto the table with a little work because his left arm was still weak and looked at Alexx. "All right, I'm up. Do your worst."

"Sugar, you should never say that to anyone with access to needles," Alexx said, pulling out her black bag.


	41. Chapter 41

"I think it's a good thing you have that sofa in your office, Horatio," Eric said later in the day.

"He's asleep, isn't he?" Horatio asked with a smile.

"Out cold from what I could tell through the door," Eric replied. "I can understand what he's going through, the drive to be back, to be doing something again, but I also know how tired he's going to get for the first few days."

"I'll let him sleep until it's time to go home," Horatio said. "Bring me up to speed on your case."

Eric grinned. "The guy that tried to break into your house was caught breaking into a bank last night," he said. "During the interrogation he admitted to trying to break in to hurt you, but your alarm scared him off. I don't think he's all there, H."

"Maybe not, but at least we don't have to worry about him anymore," Horatio said. "His prints on my guest room window in the middle of the night are enough for me to press charges against him, and I will. It won't add much to the sentence for trying to rob a bank, but every little bit to keep him away from children and teens will be a good bit."

"Yep. I told them you'd probably be doing something like this, so the detective is expecting you to make a report," Eric said.

"Then I should go speak with her, shouldn't I? Thank you, Eric."  
****

Ryan didn't stir when Horatio unlocked his office later that day. Horatio smiled fondly and locked the door behind him, heading to his desk to finish up his paperwork for the day. There wasn't much, thanks to Calleigh keeping on top of the work while he was gone with Ryan, but daily reports had to be signed and evidence logs filed away.

"H?"

"Hey there, how was your nap?" Horatio asked. He filed the last log and closed the drawer. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"I heard something," Ryan replied with a yawn. "How long have I been asleep?"

"About three hours," Horatio said. "Maybe we should try half days for the rest of the week so you don't push yourself too hard."

"That might be a good idea," Ryan said. "On the positive side, Alexx gave me a clean bill of health, even if she would like to see a little more strength in my left arm."

"It'll come," Horatio said. "Ready to go home?"

"Yeah, that sounds wonderful," Ryan said. He stood up and stretched. "That's a nice sofa you've got here, H. I don't think I've ever even sat on it before."

Horatio smiled and ducked his head. "There were days when I was having trouble sleeping so I would work late and sleep here," he said. "I made sure to have a sofa that was comfortable and large enough that I wouldn't wake up with cramps in my legs."

"So that's why it's so long," Ryan said with a grin. "I wondered about that."

"It's put in a lot of service for my team over the years, too," Horatio said. "Tim slept on it on his lunch break a lot of the time, and Eric's napped there when he was recovering from his wounds. Calleigh prefers the cot down in her space, but I caught her in there once when we were working a serial killer case. I think Alexx is the only one that's never slept on there."

"She probably just made sure everyone else was sleeping," Ryan said. "I don't know what we'd do without her, Horatio. I really hope we never have to find out."

"So do I, Ryan," Horatio said. "So do I."


	42. Chapter 42

Ryan was working on a cold case involving a missing child when there was a knock on the door. He looked up and saw Rick Stetler standing there. Still not sure what he thought of the IAB officer being nicer, Ryan crossed the office and unlocked the door. "Stetler."

"Horatio knows I'm here," Rick said. "I was hoping we could talk for a minute, Ryan. Are you okay to be alone with me or would you feel safer having Horatio or Delko here as well?"

"I'm okay, but thanks for asking," Ryan said. "My attacker is the only one I think I'd be scared to be around, and that's even with Horatio or Eric standing next to me. What's going on?"

"I just wanted to check and see how you're doing and be sure that you're okay," Rick said. "I don't know if Horatio told you or not, but someone special to me was raped. I don't want to go into the details, but it's why I hate rapists more than any other criminal out there."

"He didn't tell me, but knowing Horatio, he probably figured it was your business," Ryan said, sitting back down. "Being able to lock myself in here is helping a lot, I think. I don't know exactly what's going to happen when I'm back down on the floor working active cases, but I haven't retaken my tests to be sure I can do my job, so it's not something I'm really worrying about right now."

Rick sat down across from Ryan. "That's one of the things I'm curious about," he said. "I know you'll have to requalify on your shooting to be able to carry in the field again, and there's a couple of other tests involved in getting you back to work, but why are you retaking basic Chemistry tests?"

"Because I'm not sure what all I lost when my brain was injured," Ryan said. "I want to be sure that I can do my job properly and keep the lab safe."

"That makes sense," Rick said. "I appreciate you taking that much care with your work, Ryan. When do you take your first test?"

"Next week sometime," Ryan said. "Horatio's going to be the one giving them to me, although they'll be graded up on campus so there's no risk of anyone claiming favoritism. I'll take a test a week until I'm done with my PT and able to go back down into the labs. Once we're sure there's no risks involved in letting me requalify to go back out in the field, then I'll do that."

"What risks are you anticipating?"

"Hits to the head for one," Horatio said softly from the doorway. "The doctors have warned that Ryan will be a little more vulnerable to head injuries for a couple of years until everything stabilizes again. I know he won't be happy staying in the lab that long, but there's a lot to decide."

"How do you always manage to sneak up on me, Horatio?" Rick asked with a small smile.

"He's a ninja," Ryan replied. "Seriously, I've seen his uniform."

Horatio looked down and laughed. "I learned early on to be quiet, Rick. It's not something it's easy not to do," he said. "If you want me to make more noise around you though, I can try."

"No, that's fine, Horatio," Rick said. "Actually, if you want to give me some lessons, I'd take whatever you can teach me."

"We can talk, Rick," Horatio said.

"I'll take you up on that," Rick said. "Ryan, I want you to remember that you can come and find me if you need to. I know you're going to have your team supporting you through all of this, but if they all need to be out and you can't get up here, come to my office. I'll keep you safe until Horatio is back."

"Thank you," Ryan said. "I'll definitely remember that."


	43. Chapter 43

While Ryan was safe at the lab, Horatio made a small detour to the hospital to check on Frank. The detective was out in the garden when Horatio arrived. "Hi Frank."

"Horatio, what are you doing here?" Frank asked.

"I thought I would come and see how you're doing," Horatio replied. "I haven't heard anything from the doctors lately and was worried about you."

Frank sighed. "Sarah's gone," he said. "Don't know where she went, but she ain't been around lately. The doctors aren't telling me anything so I don't know what the hell's going on."

"Frank, this won't be easy for you to hear, but I know where she went," Horatio said softly. He sat down next to Frank. "Sarah is a ghost, Frank. She came to help you because she knew how much you were hurting and needed a friend. I'm not sure why she's gone without saying good-bye to you, but it's possible someone else needed her help as well."

"How many people knew?"

"I asked your doctors about her the first time you mentioned her to me," Horatio said. "We realized how much visiting with her was helping you so I made the call not to tell you the truth. I'm sorry if it's hurt you, Frank, but I thought that was the best thing for you at that time."

"It probably was," Frank said. "Least I ain't hallucinating or anything like that. So my helper was dead?"

Horatio looked down at his hands. "Her father beat her to death, Frank," he said softly. "She died here in the hospital and found you. I think you helped each other."

"I've never believed in ghosts."

"Now?"

"Now I don't know what to think," Frank admitted. "Horatio, I'm going to be going home soon and going back to work. I know Ryan don't want to see me and I don't blame him for that at all. I'm gonna stay away from the lab unless it's for a case, and then I'll call before I come over. I'm sorry for everything. I think I panicked that night and that's why I hit him."

"Walk me through it, please," Horatio said.

"Ryan's the first guy I ever looked at," Frank said. "He's cute and friendly and it took me a couple of months to realize what I was feeling towards him. I was scared and didn't know what to do, so I fell back on what I knew from work and some reading I'd done for a case. I got it in my head that it wasn't a relationship, it was just sex and then, when Ryan told me no, I freaked out and hit him. I shouldn't have done it and I'm so sorry I did."

Horatio reached over and pulled Frank into a hug. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he said. "Frank, you're healing too. You were hurt by this too and you've been healing. Not as much as Ryan has, but you're getting there. You're getting there."

"How can you still talk to me, Horatio? I almost killed a man because he wouldn't sleep with me."

"Because I know what an abuser looks like, Frank. I know what they are down to their core, and looking at you, I don't see any of that," Horatio said. "You're finally able to admit that you're wrong and you're taking responsibility for your actions. How many people have we arrested for abuse that maintain their victims were asking for it?"

"All of 'em," Frank said. He pulled back and wiped his eyes. "That don't change the fact that Delko's right. I don't know that I deserve to have my job back."

"Frank, are you ever going to hit someone again?" Horatio asked.

"I'm going to do my best not to," Frank replied. "I ain't gonna date any time soon."

"So you're removing yourself from the position where you could potentially hurt another," Horatio said. "What about at work? Will you be able to keep your temper in check there?"

"I think so," Frank said. "Stetler was here yesterday, said he was gonna be watching me for a while. I ain't allowed to work a case alone for a few months. That's fine with me, I gotta get back on my feet."

"Yes you do," Horatio said. "Frank, I'm willing to be a safety net for you as long as Ryan is in the lab. He's not going to be able to requalify for field work until early next year. Are you willing to work with me and listen to everything I say?"

Frank nodded. "Yeah. You're one of the few I know'll stand up to me."

"All right, let me talk with Ryan first, and then you and I can meet with Rick," Horatio said. "We'll get this worked out, Frank. I'm ashamed of you, but you've come a long way and that takes bravery. We'll get through this. I promise."


	44. Chapter 44

"You've got something on your mind, H," Ryan said later that night when they were back at Horatio's house. "Is everything okay?"

"I think so, Ryan, but it's something we need to talk honestly about," Horatio said. "I went to check on Frank today. He'll be going home soon and will be back at work. He's self-imposed limits while at work and will be calling before he comes to the lab so we will have enough notice to make sure you're in a place you feel safe. I told him, that as long as you're in the lab working on cold cases and then when you're back on active cases, that I would work with him in the field as a safety net. Is that something you're comfortable having me do?"

Ryan blinked a few times and looked down at his hands. "I can't ever forgive him, Horatio."

"I'm not asking you to, Ryan. If this is something you don't want me doing, then be honest with me, please," Horatio said. "Don't let me put you in a place that you feel trapped, okay?"

"I just don't know what to think. I still don't know how you can be helping both of us like this."

"Because I think that Frank is right that he acted out of fear the night he beat you so badly," Horatio said. "I've said several times that I never once saw a hint that Frank was abusive before that night, and I still don't see those signs, Ryan. He knows he has a problem and he's still working on it, but he doesn't have anyone else that trusts him right now. I could be wrong, but I hope I'm not."

"What if he hits you, Horatio?" Ryan asked.

"That will be his last mistake, Ryan," Horatio replied. "I know you've never seen me fight. I don't have to because I've created a reputation and aura here in Miami, and people know not to cross me. I would stop Frank before he made contact. He knows that, and I think that's why he's okay with me working with him until Rick says he can be on his own again."

"Now how did Stetler get into this part of everything?"

"He's told Frank that he won't be able to work solo for several months, if not longer," Horatio said. "Rick's worried about Frank's temper coming into play in a case, especially when he's right back to work. It's a good concern and one that I would have too, were I in Rick's place for all of this. If you don't want me working with Frank, then I'll make sure he's assigned a partner that he respects. There are other ways to do this, Ryan. It doesn't have to be me."

"But you'd like it to be," Ryan said.

"Only because I know everything that's happened," Horatio said. "We're being very careful to keep this off-record for Frank because if anyone finds out what happened, you'll be impacted too. I'll be honest, Ryan, if you hadn't told me you didn't want to press charges before I went to see him that night, I would have arrested Frank and thrown him into holding until I knew you survived your surgeries. In my mind that night, he wasn't a detective, he was a man who had just beaten his boyfriend almost to death. Do you understand what I'm saying here?"

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, I do," he said. "Can I have the night to think about all of this, Horatio?"

"Of course, you can have as long as you need to," Horatio said. "I told Frank that you would have to be okay with me working with him before I would commit to it. You are my first priority in this, Ryan. I know talking about Frank and everything that's happened isn't easy for you, but I need to be honest with you. I need you to know what's going on so you aren't surprised by events, or you aren't hurt worse by them."

"I guess I'm still having a bit of trouble with having someone that cares for me that much," Ryan said. "I'd watched you all that time, Horatio, but I don't think it ever really registered that you take care of everyone no matter what."

"I try to," Horatio said softly.

"You do more than try, and I can't help but wonder how many times you've had your heart broken by someone you tried to help when they turned away from you."

"It happens," Horatio said. "I can't force anyone to take my help. All I can do is hope that I'll be able to be there when they need me."

Ryan slid over and cuddled up next to Horatio. "You are," he said softly.


	45. Chapter 45

Horatio tapped on the door and pushed it open. "Rick?"

"What can I do for you, Horatio?"

"I wanted to talk to you about when Frank is back at work," Horatio said, shutting the door behind him. "I spoke with Ryan last night and, after taking time to think about everything, has said that he's okay with me being the one to partner Frank until IAB clears him to work cases solo. Now I need to ask if that's okay with you as well."

Stetler leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "I'll be honest, Horatio, I was kind of hoping you would be the one to take him in hand when he comes back," he said. "There's so much that could go wrong when Frank is back at work, and I can't be there constantly, even if I want to be. You still have Frank's respect, and that, more than anything, is going to be what helps keep him in line and gets him back to work. You've talked to him?"

"Yesterday, when I was on my way back from an interview," Horatio said. "I think that he's had a real wake-up about all of this and knows he is on his last chance, Rick. Frank will have outbursts of temper, but as long as there's someone there that can talk him down, I think he'll be okay."

"The temper worries me," Stetler said. "If he ever hits a suspect, or worse, a witness, we could all be in a lot of trouble."

"What about continuing with the counselor?" Horatio asked. "I'll agree that we don't want him to be seen in anger management group classes, but what about insisting on him staying with a one-on-one with someone from the hospital that he trusts?"

"That could work," Stetler said. "I could make it a condition of his return to work."

"Let me suggest it to him first, please?" Horatio said. "I think that he'll do it on his own because he wants to get better. That's the main point, Rick. He wants to get through this and move forward. You know about the self-imposed restrictions he's come up with?"

"He told me, and I approve," Rick said. "What about Ryan? How's he holding up with all of this?"

"Better than anyone could expect him to," Horatio said. "Ryan isn't completely comfortable with me working with Frank, but it's a fear for me getting hurt that's worrying him. I think that only time will show that I'll be okay, and Ryan's willing to give it a try."

"Horatio, I've seen you face down men pointing a gun in your face and walk away," Stetler sighed. "I think, if anything, we need to be worried about Frank more than we do you, if that even makes sense."

Horatio nodded. "Frank has seen me fight, Rick. He knows exactly what it is I'm capable of, and he respects me," he said. "Those facts, more than anything else I can do, will be what keep me safe while we're working together. I know I can't go out on every case with him, but I'll be there for the big ones."

"I've got a patrol officer moving into the detective bureau and, against my better judgement, I'm giving him to Frank to train," Stetler said. "I know it's a risk, but I am hoping that Frank will behave himself with someone new, someone that has no allegiance to him, is watching his every move."

"Very sneaky," Horatio said with a smile. "I'll be watching as much as I can, Rick. I don't know what else we can do at this point."

"Watch them and make sure there's no more violence involved," Stetler said. "Frank knows that I'm watching him as well, Horatio, and I can only hope that it's all enough to keep him on the straight and narrow."

"Now we just need to get Ryan back in the field," Horatio said. "For a young man that nearly died, Rick, he's doing wonderfully."

"I had a report from his doctor, actually," Stetler said. "Letting me know that you hadn't pushed things through and Ryan was cleared to be doing paperwork. I'm not sure why he called, honestly, but I made a note of it in Ryan's folder. We're going to have to watch everything closely, Horatio."

Horatio chuckled. "Rick, Calleigh and Alexx have us beat for watching over Ryan," he said. "I think that if Frank even glances at Ryan those two are going to descend and protect Ryan from everything."

"How do you have such a loyal team, Horatio? That's something I've always wondered."

"I treat them all with respect and show them that I trust them to do the right thing," Horatio said. "The rest comes naturally from that."

"You're the envy of the department, actually."

"I'm very lucky in my people," Horatio said. "I've always thought that, and I always will."


	46. Chapter 46

"Eric, are you okay?" Horatio asked a couple of days later. Ryan was up in the office working on a cold case and Horatio was heading over to check in with the detectives about an interview that should have been done, but there was no record of.

"Frank's back at work," Eric replied.

"Okay, come on, let's walk," Horatio said. "Come on."

Eric followed Horatio out of the lab and down the sidewalk. "How, Horatio?" he asked.

"The counseling staff at the hospital agreed that Frank was okay to return to work with some conditions put into place," Horatio replied. "Rick Stetler and I have been working closely with them to ensure every condition is met, including those Frank put into place himself. I didn't expect him back today, or I would have given everyone a heads-up. Eric, Frank acted out of fear and panic, not malice or rage. I know it's going to be hard to work with him, and I won't ask you to if you can't, but only our team and Rick know the truth. I need you to be honest with me, can you work with Frank again?"

"I don't know," Eric said. "What's Wolfe think about all this?"

"He's nervous for me, but is willing to watch and see what happens," Horatio said. "Ryan will be given at least a ten minute warning before Frank comes into the lab at any time. That will be enough time for Ryan to get either to my office, into Alexx's, or vanish over into IAB and Rick's office. Ryan will never work a case solo with Frank again, and I wouldn't ask him to. Frank knows that he is on his last chance, Eric. He's been doing a lot of thinking and talking while he was in the hospital, and he's realized that he almost killed a man because Ryan wouldn't sleep with him. That realization shook Frank badly, and he's still asking himself a lot of questions."

"Horatio, how can you be supporting Frank like this?" Eric asked. "You just said it yourself, he almost killed Ryan. I don't get it."

Horatio's smile was sad. "Frank Tripp and I have been friends a long time, Eric," he said. "I've watched him this whole time and the only things I've seen are anger, shame, fear, and self-hatred. I have never once, through all of this, seen any sign that Frank is an abuser, someone that will harm others. I have to give him this chance because no one else wanted to. Not even Frank. I've talked about all of this with Ryan, Eric. If he hadn't given me the okay, I wouldn't be doing this, but Ryan understands that I need to try and help Frank as well."

"Ryan knows all about this?"

"He does."

Eric sighed. "All right. I don't get it, I'm sure as hell not comfortable with it, but I'll try," he said. "It's like you said, Horatio. We don't want word of this getting out to anyone in the department. I'll try my best."

"Thank you, Eric," Horatio said. "Would you tell Cal and Alexx for me, please? Quietly, make sure you're alone, but tell them that I have this under control and Ryan knows. I'm going to go check in with Frank and see how he's doing."

"Sure, H. No problem."

Horatio nodded and headed back towards the detective division. He hadn't been expecting Frank back for another week and wasn't sure what had happened, but he was going to figure it out. Ryan was locked in the office, safe, but Horatio still sent a quick text telling him to stay put until Horatio came to the door. "Frank."

"Hey Horatio, I was just going to call you," Frank said. "I'm back to do paperwork this week, be back in the field starting on Monday. Stetler said you'll be working whatever crime scenes I catch."

"I will," Horatio said. "Eric let me know that you were back, Frank."

"He okay?"

Horatio read everything in Frank's eyes. "He's willing to try," he said. "The whole team is, Frank, but remember what we talked about."

"I know, Horatio, and I'm going to do my best," Frank said. "I don't want to go down that path again."

"I'll do what I can to help you, Frank, but it's mostly up to you," Horatio said. "You've talked about everything else with Stetler?"

"Yep, agreed to all of it," Frank said. "You'll both be getting updates for as long as I'm going. I'm not going to try and hide anything from either of you."

"All right, then we're all on the same page," Horatio said. "I have to track down a detective in a cold case, but wanted to see you first, Frank. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Promise I'll call."

Horatio nodded. "I know you will, Frank," he said. "I know you will."


	47. Chapter 47

Horatio let himself into his office and locked the door again. "Hey."

"He's really back?" Ryan asked.

"He is, doing paperwork, so he won't be here until next week," Horatio said softly. "At that point, all the new rules and regulations I've been working with Stetler to put in place will go into effect. We will have a ten minute warning any time Frank comes to the lab and he will not linger like he used to. I know it's going to be hard, Ryan, but if you don't take this small step now, it's possible you never will and that will impact your return."

"How do I look at him again, Horatio?" Ryan asked. "I mean, from up here. I don't think I'm ready to even think about being on the same level of the lab as Frank for a long time, but how do I look at him and not see the man that hit me?"

"I wish I had an answer for you on that one, Ryan," Horatio replied. "Here, come sit down on the sofa. Frank feels guilty over everything, including how he treated you prior to your assault. I know it's not easy for you to hear, Ryan, but Frank is still working with a counselor to improve. Rick and I were going to suggest it to him, but he asked to be able to continue on his own. Frank has realized how badly he messed up and is trying to fix things."

Ryan curled up against Horatio. "I don't know how to let him," he admitted.

"That's not uncommon," Horatio said. "These are questions you'll have to answer for yourself, and no one is going to push you to do it. If it takes two years or more before you can be around Frank again, in company, then it will take two years and everyone will understand."

"I don't know how we're going to keep people from picking up on the problem," Ryan said. "I mean think about it. Before all this, Frank was over here in and out all day, talking with all of us with no problems at all. Now I've been out on medical leave, you've taken time off, and Frank's been out sick too. It's not going to take a genius to work out something happened between us all. Add in Frank not coming to the lab, calling before he does, and not working cases with me? We can't keep this hidden forever, Horatio."

"We just have to keep it hidden long enough for something new to catch everyone's attention," Horatio said softly. "People will see you working cold cases in my office away from the noise. They know you suffered a bad head injury so that won't raise any questions. We've put out that you were injured during an aborted robbery, Ryan. No one knows you and Frank were dating. They'll see me working with him, but Rick has Frank training a new officer. Someone with no alliance to anyone else that won't feel bad reporting problems to Rick or me. Eventually they'll see you back in the lab working with me on cases and yes, they might wonder why you vanish any time Frank comes over, but restroom breaks aren't predictable, are they?"

That got a small smile. "What about the phone calls?"

"I talked with the chief of detectives and asked that everyone call to let us know when they're coming over," Horatio said. "So that we can have any printouts ready for them. I phrased it as an attempt to increase efficiency in the department and the chief agreed it was a good idea. If they're all doing it, Ryan, no one will think twice about Frank making that call."

"How are you always one step ahead of everyone?" Ryan asked.

"I haven't been idle while helping you recover, Ryan. I've wanted to make your return to the lab as smooth as possible, with as few chances for questions among the others," Horatio replied. "I've been thinking about all of this since you were in ICU after your first surgery and slowly putting my pieces into play. I don't know that I've covered every single problem, but I have the foundation there to protect you."

"And Frank."

"Frank is on his last chance. He knows that if he messes up one more time, he's gone," Horatio said. "I can't imagine what you feel whenever you have to talk with me about him, Ryan, because I haven't been in the same place you currently are. I'm just happy you're able to give me a chance to help a friend get back on the right path again."

"It wasn't easy to say yes," Ryan said. "I wanted to say no. I really, really wanted to say no, but then I thought about why I wanted to say no and realized that I wanted Frank to hurt as badly as I was. I thought about it more and realized that he was hurting as badly as I was, because he'd done something and he didn't know why and all of his friends, except you, had turned on him and he had no one. No one should have no one, H. That's why I said yes. I couldn't let myself follow him into the darkness. That doesn't mean I'm not going to be scared for you, knowing what Frank is capable of, but I have to give it a try."

"Thank you," Horatio said softly. He tilted Ryan's head up and kissed him softly. "Tell me if you ever want me to stop, okay?"

"Kissing or helping Frank?" Ryan asked. "Because I don't think your office in the middle of the department, even with the blinds all closed, is the best place for us to kiss."

Horatio chuckled. "You're probably right," he said. "I meant helping Frank."

"Yeah, I'll tell you."

"Okay," Horatio said.


	48. Chapter 48

Ryan looked up when someone tapped on the door and couldn't help but grin when he saw it was Calleigh holding two bags from a local deli. He went over to unlock the door and let her in. "Hey."

"How are you doing, Ryan? You've been locked away for five hours," Calleigh replied, handing off one of the bags.

"I think I might have found something in one of these cases," Ryan said. "I got tied up in researching one of the databases for more information and lost track of time. Thanks for bringing lunch up. Horatio's in the field?"

"Yeah, Frank called and requested CSI at one of his call-outs this morning, so Horatio and Eric are out with him," Calleigh said. "I know it's a touchy subject with you, Ryan, but I'll admit I was shocked when I saw Frank the other day. He's lost so much weight, it's a little scary."

"Horatio said he wasn't taking care of himself right after everything," Ryan said with a sigh. "Cal, how would you handle something like this?"

She put her cup of soup on the desk and leaned forward. "The first thing I would do is recover," she said. "That, more than anything, is the the most important thing you can do. Make sure you're safe and heal, Ryan. Eric told me you've moved out of your apartment."

"Yeah, I just can't face going back there, Calleigh," Ryan admitted. "Frank spent every night with me there, and I just know that I'd see him no matter if he's there or not. Horatio's letting me stay with him as long as I need to, but I'm going to get my own place again when the doctors are sure that I'm going to eventually be okay. It'll probably be early next year, but I'm going to find a place."

"If you stay with Horatio, then that's okay too, Ryan," Calleigh said. "I know the truth about his preferences, just like he knows mine, and I'll be honest. You two are good for each other."

Ryan blushed. "Does Alexx know, too?" he asked. "Eric does."

"Alexx keeps everything secret until she knows it's okay to talk about it, so I don't know if she knows or not. My guess is that she suspects something and has talked with Horatio about taking care of you. The next thing is to try and get your routine back again. I've worked with a couple of rape victims through this phase of recovery, and it's not easy. It could take you months, Ryan. You might never be able to get it all back, either. I can't imagine how it must feel knowing you could run into Frank at any time here at work, even with all the restrictions put into place."

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Cal," Ryan admitted. "Just the thought of having to look at him again, when the last thing I remember from that night is him trying to physically move me on the bed, it makes my skin crawl."

"I know, Ryan, I know." Calleigh moved over next to him and gave him the option for a hug, which he took. "Back when we still had Speed with us, and this was years before you even joined the force, I had a stalker. He saw me at a crime scene and fixated on me. It got to the point that I had to sleep down in my office to feel safe. This guy showed up at the lab twice and tried to convince the front desk to page me, but he didn't have a good reason and I was busy on another case, so they didn't do it."

"What'd Horatio do?" Ryan asked.

"Horatio put a bullet in the man's head," Horatio said from the doorway. "You okay, Ryan?"

"Hey, yeah, we just got to talking about Frank and I couldn't handle it," Ryan said. "You really shot the guy, Horatio?"

Horatio locked the door behind him and joined the pair on the sofa. "I did, because he made an attempt to grab Calleigh in front of the lab and he had a gun," he said. "I told him twice to let her go, and he wouldn't do it. I didn't let Calleigh help with the man's house either. Speed and I took care of searching it while Eric stayed here with a couple of detectives to keep Calleigh safe."

"People think I'm the best shot in the lab," Calleigh said with a small grin. "I'm not. It's Horatio hands-down and I've never been so grateful as I was that day for it. I stayed at the lab for another week, until Speed came and dragged me out to get lunch. It was hard, Ryan, but I also knew that Speed was right next to me and he would fight if he had to. Going back to my normal routine took me a couple more weeks, but all three of the guys were there for me. Just like we all are for you."

"I know I say it a lot, but we are a family," Horatio said. "Nothing proves my point more than when we band together when one of our own is hurt or in trouble. I'll admit to a bit of shock when Rick joined us this time, but I'm glad he did."

Ryan sighed. "I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle seeing Frank again," he said.

"You'll handle it well in public," Horatio said. "Because I know what a strong man you are, Ryan. Then you'll vanish here or to Rick's office, whichever is close, and fall apart in private because you know that's okay too."

"I kind of feel bad for whining about it like this," Ryan said.

"That's not uncommon, but don't feel bad," Calleigh said. "Ryan, you not only were attacked in your home by someone you trusted, you suffered several severe and traumatic injuries. I would be shocked if you weren't scared of what the future holds here. No one, even those that don't know the whole story, is looking down on you. The lab guys are all worried about you, too. They do know how close you were to dying, even if they think it was a robbery gone wrong. You have more support here than you realize, Ryan. Just don't ever feel bad or guilty about doing what's best for you. Every one of us understands."

Horatio smiled and wrapped them both in a hug. "I couldn't have said it any better."


	49. Chapter 49

"So, I accidentally caught a glimpse of Ryan today," Frank admitted when he and Horatio were sitting outside having a late lunch together.

"How?" Horatio asked.

"I was walking back to the elevator after getting those files from you and the blinds were open on your office," Frank replied. "I didn't stop, didn't stare. I didn't want to risk him seeing me, Horatio, but god. Seeing exactly what happened to him, it shook me."

Horatio sighed. "I'm going to ask Ryan to keep the blinds closed during the day, Frank," he said. "I think he was doing part of his physical therapy to try and let more light into the office, to get his eyes adapted a little more. Come on, let's walk."

"Good idea," Frank said with a sigh. The pair gathered up their things to throw away and headed down the street. "Can you at least tell me if he's sleeping?"

"He is, not well, but he is," Horatio said. "I'm not going to tell you anything else, Frank. Just know that Ryan is healing up as best he can, although he's asking himself a lot of questions and has a lot of doubts right now."

"Doubts that I caused," Frank said softly. He knew it was still possible for people to overhear them even while they were walking.

"Frank, you went into something with faulty information and, instead of admitting it and asking for help, you continued on until you almost killed a man," Horatio said so softly that Frank almost had trouble hearing him. "Then you lied to yourself about what happened. You lied to me, and you lied to Rick. What does that tell you?"

"That I'm an idiot that don't deserve the chance you two are giving me," Frank said.

"Everyone deserves a second chance, Frank, if they show they will truly try," Horatio said. "You are trying to get better and work through your own problems, and that's more than I thought you would do immediately after the attack. That's not to say that it will be easy, and I know you have as many questions as Ryan does, but of a different sort. I'm doing my best to help you both, but my focus has to be on Ryan."

"I wouldn't want it any other way," Frank said. "I've got my counselor to talk with, and I am. Turns out I've got some real misconceptions about relationships dating back to when I was a kid and watching my folks together. I ain't blaming them, but they were my first model and I don't know how it is I never smacked my wife having my father as my primary role model for what a husband should be."

Horatio nodded. "I'm glad you have that resource, Frank. I just hate that it came at such a high price," he said. 

"The one thing I ain't ever expecting is for Ryan to be comfortable around me again," Frank said. "I'm going to do my best to avoid him at work. Like I did today. Just focus on getting what I need and leaving again. I can't think of anything else I can do to help him out."

"I'll let him know, Frank. What else have you been able to work out with your counselor?"

Frank snorted. "We've been working on my temper," he admitted. "I didn't realize it'd gotten so out of hand, Horatio. Maybe if I had we wouldn't be here right now."

"And maybe we would," Horatio said. "We established you suffered a type of panic attack that night, Frank, and when people panic they act irrationally. That you almost killed a man during yours would not hold up as a defense in court, and you know that I will never be able to forgive that."

"I'm not expecting you to. Hell, I'm amazed you're still willing to talk with me, Horatio."

"You need to know that someone believes in you, Frank," Horatio said. "Otherwise what would you do?"

"Nothing good," Frank said. "People talk about how much you care about everyone, Horatio, but I didn't realize it until this happened that it really is true. Guess I just want to say thank you."

"You're welcome, Frank. Let's make sure that you don't go back down the dark path again, okay?"

"Easy to say, not so easy to do," Frank said. "But I ain't giving up, Horatio."

"That's the important thing, Frank."  
****

Horatio waited until he and Ryan were at home that night before he brought up the subject of the blinds in his office. "So, I need you to do me a favor, Ryan," Horatio said. "You had the blinds open today while you were working."

"Yeah, Alexx is after me to get more sun," Ryan said.

"We'll get you out on the beach more, but I need you to keep those closed for me."

Ryan looked over at Horatio. "He saw me today, didn't he?"

"Briefly. Frank said he didn't stop, didn't stare, and I believe him," Horatio said. "Ryan, Frank told me that he's going to do his best to stay out of your way when you're back down in the lab so you don't have to have the stress of seeing him again."

"How?"

"I don't know, but we have to give him a chance to prove he can," Horatio said. "Remember, I'll be right there the first week you're back on the floor and then Calleigh or Eric will be around if I can't be. I know your emotions are all tied up in a knot, Ryan. I know that you feel like things are just hitting you and won't let up, but I also know you need to hear these things or I wouldn't bring them up."

"Hug?" Ryan asked.

Horatio moved over onto the sofa and pulled Ryan in against him. "Any time you need," he said softly. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"It's all a jumble. It's like I want to be happy that Frank's not going to try and find me, but then I'm scared I'll see him and might have to talk to him about something and I don't know how to do that, and someone could work out what happened if my behavior is different around Frank when I am back down on the floor," Ryan said. "I didn't even know he was in the lab."

"That's because you were locked securely away and he came over for some printouts," Horatio said. "Calleigh was working in the lab right across from the stairs to my office and she said Frank didn't even glance at them. He knew you were there and respected your wishes, Ryan. Remember that, you put these boundaries in place and he is respecting them."

"I'm so confused, H."

"I know you are, I know you are," Horatio said softly. "I'm right here and you know what, Ryan? We'll work through that confusion together."

Ryan sighed and closed his eyes. "Okay."


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been focusing on my novels and novellas quite a lot lately and have some new things published. My job takes a lot out of me and my writing time is next to nil right now. I'm taking a day away from my novels to update some fan fiction pieces. Thank you, as always, for your patience with this. I'm doing my best to get my WIPs wrapped up.
> 
> Here's the link to my author page on amazon. com.  
> http://www.amazon.com/Lexxie-Scott/e/B00BHME9QQ  
> I have books about dragons, Sherlock Holmes, ghosts, one horror novella, and arson investigation/murder mysteries. Take a look if you have a second.

"How is he looking, doctor?" Horatio asked.

"Good, although still too thin," the doctor replied. "Ryan, I need you to eat more than you are because you're not putting the weight you lost back on, and that worries me a lot."

Ryan sighed. "I'm just never hungry anymore, Doc," he said. "Horatio creates these amazing dinners for us both and I do my best to eat what I can, but it's like my body doesn't like food anymore. I'm trying, but I don't know if trying is enough in this case. What else can I do?"

"As much as I hate to suggest it, I think we're going to have to add in some new supplements to your diet, Ryan," the doctor said. "I would much rather see you put the weight back on in a fully healthy manner, but right now it sounds like that is impossible. I'll write some suggestions out, but right now I want you to try to have a couple of milkshakes a day with added protein powder. Do you think you can handle that?"

"I won't know until I try," Ryan said. "I haven't had problems digesting anything. I'm just really not hungry."

Horatio looked over from the chair he was in to the side of the room. "Doctor, is it possible Ryan was unconscious long enough that his body grew adjusted to the nutrient IVs and it is now fighting any other source of food?" he asked.

"That's possible, although I've never had it happen to this degree before," the doctor said with a small sigh. "How much are you managing to eat right now, Ryan?"

"I had an egg and slice of toast for breakfast this morning, with apple juice," Ryan said. "I can't face coffee right now. I tried, but it just isn't happening."

"What were you planning to have for lunch?"

"Peanut butter sandwich and half an apple," Ryan said.

"What if we broke down your meal times into six spread through the day rather than three?" the doctor asked. "Two of each meal so you eat more, but not all at once?"

"Again, I can try, but I don't know," Ryan said. "I've been swimming, Doc, but I don't have the energy to go and workout like I used to. I've managed to slowly get some muscle back where the cast was for so long, but I think I'm losing body mass."

"I think you are, because you have definitely lost weight since your attack," the doctor said. "All right, I'll send our dietician in to talk with you about some other options for meals, but I'm serious about the milkshakes. I know it seems counter-intuative to have ice cream based snacks when you're trying to be healthy, but they're a good base for the powder and will give you dairy at the same time. What about sleeping? How are you doing there?"

"Better than I was, but still not great," Ryan said.

Horatio looked up again. "He's not having as many nightmares, doctor," he said. "I'm not sure what wakes him up, but he's napping during the afternoon almost daily. I suspect that it's a lingering fear that hasn't had a chance to be addressed yet and he'll do better once it is."

"Do you still not want to talk with a counselor, Ryan?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah. I'd rather talk with Horatio and my friends at the lab," Ryan replied. "I know they're not licensed, but I found out that one of them had a similar experience and I feel comfortable talking to her about everything. Horatio too. I don't think I would be able to be open with a stranger, no matter how closely things are guarded from our sessions."

"All right, I'm not going to push, but if you're still having trouble sleeping at your next check-up, I'm going to suggest someone for you," the doctor said. "Physically, Ryan, apart from the weight loss, you're doing better than you probably have any right to be, given how badly you were hurt. I think that, if you feel ready, you can start working in the lab again analyzing evidence, but you're not to be back in the field until you're eating and can sleep through the night."

Ryan nodded. "I don't think I'm ready to be back in the lab yet," he said. "I'm still too raw. I like what Horatio has me doing right now, and it gives me a chance to review my lab procedures as well. I can't risk screwing up in the lab, not with the type of work we do."

"Understandable. I just wanted to let you know that the option is there from a medical perspective whenever you're ready to take it," the doctor said. "I'll update your chart and send a letter along to your IAB officer letting him know that you can return to the lab whenever you want to. Is there anything else worrying you that you'd like to talk about today?"

"I'm good. Horatio?"

"I don't think so, but we'll definitely call if something comes up," Horatio said. "Thank you for the good care you're giving to Ryan, doctor, we both really appreciate it."

"It's my pleasure, I just wish, on one level, that we'd never met," the doctor said with a smile. "I'm sure you both know what I mean."

That got a smile out of Ryan. "Yeah, I totally get you there, Doc," he said. "Thanks for the help. I'll do my best to have some weight put on when I come in next time."

"Give me a call if one of your plans doesn't work out and I'll see what some of my colleagues can come up with," the doctor said. "Wait here and I'll send our dietician in to talk with you about changes you can make to try and start putting weight back on."

"Thank you," Horatio said.


	51. Chapter 51

"Do you want to talk about it?" Horatio asked once the pair was back at Horatio's house and out on the deck.

"That obvious, huh?" Ryan asked in reply. "I just feel like I should be ready to go back to the lab, take my tests and find out what all I've lost so I can work towards getting back to work, but I'm happy doing research into the cold cases, Horatio. I don't know what that means."

"Well, partly it means you're enjoying time to yourself with just research, which isn't a surprise at all," Horatio said. "I've seen you when the new magazines turn up at the lab, Ryan. You have a thirst for research that you don't always get to use in your daily work. It's possible that you've found a new passion in cold case research, and that's a position I can argue to create full time if you think it's something you would like to pursue."

Ryan looked over at Horatio and blinked a few times. "How?"

"The lab has a yearly backlog of cases that go cold for no readily explainable reason, other than the evidence peters out," Horatio said. "On slow days, when case loads are low, I have everyone pull out a few cases and review the evidence to see if a new test can reopen one of them, but there are cases in our files that have sat for years without attention because no one wants to look at them. If you are willing to become a full time cold case investigator, you would still be a CSI, you would still be in the lab running the tests, you just wouldn't be in the field investigating new cases. You would be the one that we come to when we think there's a link between a new case and one that's in the unsolved stack, rather than pulling the case file ourselves to search for that connection."

"Huh, I never realized there were that many cases that need to be checked over," Ryan said. "How old are some of them?"

"Ten, twelve years old," Horatio said. "They're probably not solvable, but I'll be honest. I haven't looked at some of them in years. I'll talk to the Chief tomorrow and see if I can get one of my CSI positions transitioned into cold case research and investigation on a trial basis. That way, if you decide after a year or two that you want to be back in the field with us, you can move back over and we'll go back to the way we are now."

"You can do that?" Ryan asked.

"Turn onto your stomach so you don't burn," Horatio replied. "I'm fairly sure I can convince the Chief it's a good idea, yes. Ryan, I want you to be honest with me. You aren't saying this just because you want to stay hidden away, are you? None of us are pushing you to return to the lab before you're ready, and you don't have to think you have to hide behind cold case files to avoid Frank."

Ryan pushed up on his elbows and looked back over at Horatio. "I'd happily hide in a filing cabinet if it meant I never had to see him again, Horatio, but I don't want to hide in fear. I want to get better," he said. "I want to stop hiding in your office at the lab. I miss having Delko around when I'm trying to work. I miss the noise of the machines, but I'm not ready to start investigating new cases. I don't know that I'll ever be ready to go back out into the field again. It's like, how can I even explain this to you? It's like my trust radar has been knocked off balance and I need to be able to reset it before I can trust myself in the field around strangers again."

"The physical impracticalities of hiding in a filing cabinet for any reason aside, you're making perfect sense, Ryan," Horatio said, blue eyes twinkling. 

"H, when am I going to be able to look at the world and not feel fear again?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know, Ryan," Horatio replied softly. He moved over to sit on the edge of the younger man's chair and started to rub his back softly. "It's different for each person, and it's possible you may never be able to go out into the world without feeling a fisson of fear in your bones. The think you have to do is be able to listen to that fear, bank it back, and head out with your head up high, watching everything around you. I think that your internal warning system has probably kicked into high gear and that's causing the increased feelings of fear and unease you experience every time you walk out the front door."

"How do I do that?"

"If I had that answer, Ryan, no one on this planet would ever have to experience fear of another again, but I don't," Horatio said. "The only thing I can do is be next to you every step of the way, watching your back while you learn how to exist in this new world you suddenly have found yourself in. You were attacked in the one location we are supposed to feel safest, Ryan. In your home in your bed. It's not surprising that you still feel fear. Your trust was violated violently by one you chose to trust, and that means you'll be asking yourself a lot of questions, and not all of those questions will have answers. The only thing you can do is trust yourself enough to know when you need to run, and when you feel you can stand."

Ryan sighed. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that again, Horatio," he admitted softly.

"You will, Ryan. It might take you years, but you will," Horatio said just as softly. "You will."


	52. Chapter 52

While Horatio was in the chief’s office the next day, trying to get a CSI position transitioned into cold case review, Calleigh set up to work in the lab directly across from the stairs to Horatio’s office. Ryan was up there working on cold cases and she knew how much he needed a safety net, even locked away like he was. 

“Calleigh, you said you had those results for me?” Frank asked, appearing in the doorway.

“Yeah, Frank,” she replied, reaching for a folder. “The bullets weren’t a match to the guns in the house, so either there’s one missing from the house, or the wife brought in another gun.”

Frank snorted. “Hell, with how easy it is to get guns these days, specially in this city, I’d go with that,” he said. “How’d Delko do in getting prints off the gun? Can we put it in her hand?”

“There’s a partial, but nothing that’ll prove who fired the gun,” Calleigh said with a small sigh. “We’re still waiting for the DNA to come back, but it’s possible there isn’t any.”

“Hell, I hoped you’d have something good for me, Calleigh,” Frank said with a sigh. “The lawyers have everything tied up tight and it’s gonna be weeks before I can get a look at any personal papers from the house.”

“We’ll keep at it,” Calleigh said. “Wish it’d been better news for you though, Frank.”

He nodded. “Me too. Well, thanks for the call on this one, Calleigh,” Frank said. “Let me know if you’re able to turn up anything else for me, will you?”

“Of course I will,” Calleigh said with a small smile.

“See you later then,” Frank said. He walked out of the office and almost ran directly into Horatio. “What the hell, Horatio?”

“Keep walking, Frank,” Horatio said softly.

Frank’s eyes tracked up automatically and he caught sight of Ryan halfway up the stairs, eyes wide, and obviously frozen to the spot. He nodded and left, heading down the hallway towards the elevator without looking back. Horatio watched until the other man was gone and then started up the stairs towards Ryan. “Hey, he’s gone,” he said softly. “You’re okay. Come on, back up to the office with you.”

It took some coaxing, but Horatio was able to get the younger man back to the office and locked away. “What happened, Ryan?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” Ryan replied, sinking onto the sofa, hands shaking. “I had something I wanted Delko to see so I grabbed the folder and left the office without thinking. I made it as far as you saw me when Frank came out of the lab and I froze.”

Horatio nodded. “He wasn’t going to get you, Ryan,” he said. “I was right there and he would not have made it three steps towards you before I shot him in the head if he had even tried.”

“But what if you weren’t there?” Ryan asked, looking up. “What if you were still in a meeting or something? What then?”

“Then Calleigh would have done the same,” Horatio replied. “You wouldn’t have seen her from your position, but she was a step behind Frank coming out of the lab. She’s almost as good a shot as me, Ryan. Frank would not have made it to you.” He sat down next to the younger man, turned, so Ryan could cuddle up if he wanted to. “So now, I think we need to revise our thinking here a little.”

Ryan almost climbed into Horatio’s lap, burying his head against the older man’s neck. “I really thought he would come for me, H,” he whispered.

“I know, Ryan, I know,” Horatio said. “But he wasn’t. He didn’t even know you were there until I got in his way to stop him coming towards the stairs. Frank was focused on the folder in his hand, and he was here at Cal’s invitation. So here’s what I think. I think that we need to make it a rule that when anyone calls to tell Frank they have something for him, they need to let you know as well. Would you have come out of the office if you’d known he was there?”

“No. No, I would probably have come over here and hidden until I was sure he was gone again,” Ryan said.

“Okay, so we need to make certain that you know when Frank is coming to the lab,” Horatio said. “You also have to trust that Cal, Eric, and I will keep you safe, Ryan. I know this scared you. I know that you’ve probably taken several steps back in your recovery today, but you have to find it inside you to trust that we will keep you safe, even if that means killing one of our own. Okay?”

“I still don’t know how,” Ryan said.

“That’s okay too,” Horatio said. “Today, it probably seemed like hours between when you saw Frank for the first time and I stepped in front of him, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“It was less that three seconds,” Horatio said. “For Calleigh to get to him would have been five seconds. How far would Frank have made it towards you in those times, Ryan?”

Ryan thought for a couple of minutes. “Two stairs before you would have been able to get to him, and five before Cal would have,” he finally said. “I was frozen though, so that’s closer than I could have stood.”

“You were frozen, but I have a feeling that you would have run if Frank had set foot on the stairs,” Horatio said. “The glass in my door is bullet-proof, Ryan. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No. Why?”

Horatio grinned. “It’s a little something I paid for personally,” he said. “You’re the only other one that knows that little fact. The door itself is metal, and rated for both fire and explosions. I take my safety very, very seriously.”

“So that means, even if Frank reached the door, as long as I was able to lock it behind me, there really is no way he would be able to break in here before someone got to him,” Ryan said. “How do you know I’d have been able to run though?”

“Ryan, fight or flight is one of the strongest impulses in the human body,” Horatio said. “Right now I don’t think you have your fight working properly, but you would have run. Instinct would have taken over and you would have run back to an area where you feel safe.”

“How long do I have to live like this?” Ryan asked.

“I wish I had an answer for you, Ryan, but every case is different,” Horatio replied. “I do have some good news for you. The chief agreed to make your position cold case review and process for the next two years. We’ll review at that time and see if we want to make it a permanent change or not.”

The younger man looked up at Horatio and managed a smile. “Thank you, Horatio,” he said softly. Ryan leaned in and kissed Horatio softly. “I don’t know how I’m going to heal from everything, but thank you for not giving up on me.”

“Never,” Horatio said. He pulled Ryan into a tight hug and just held him for a long minute. “Never.”


	53. Chapter 53

Horatio made sure Ryan was okay in the office with Eric, the pair looking at a folder for a case that was about four years old, and headed over to find Frank. “Come take a walk with me,” he said softly.

“Damn it, Horatio, don’t do that,” Frank said, jumping a little. “How the hell do you always manage to sneak up on me?”

“You know the answer to that one, Frank,” Horatio said. “Come on, let’s walk. I wanted to say thank you, Frank.”

“For what? Scaring Ryan so bad the kid could’ve fallen down the stairs and broke his neck?” Frank asked quietly.

“For walking when I told you to. For not stopping to see Ryan,” Horatio said just as softly. “For respecting him enough to leave.”

Frank sighed. “I wanted to stop,” he said. “Say hi, ask how he’s doing, but I knew I can’t. Hell, I can tell looking at him how he’s doing, and it ain’t good, is it?”

“He’s doing better than the doctors were expecting him to, Frank,” Horatio said. “He not only suffered several traumatic injuries, but he’s asking a lot of questions about personal safety. Just like anyone would do after being attacked.”

“I know I’ve said it before, but there’s parts of me that want to find a way to go back to him,” Frank said. “Not what we had before, but building something new. Something where he knows I love him too. Something equal.”

“But you know why you can’t.”

“Yeah, I know,” Frank said. “Don’t mean I don’t wish it was possible though.”

Horatio nodded. “I know, Frank, and that’s just human nature,” he said. “I’ve never told anyone this, but there’s always been a small part of me, something so minute that it doesn’t show up often, that wishes my parents were still alive. Both of them, even though my father did his best to kill me every day of my life.”

“Because he’s still your father,” Frank said. “I know he’s the one that taught you to walk so quiet, Horatio. I just don’t know why you think you have to use it to sneak up on people.”

“You would be amazed at what you can hear when no one knows you’re there, Frank,” Horatio said. “How’s it going otherwise for you?”

“It’s going good, or good as it can be,” Frank said. “My therapist is getting ready to reevaluate me and see if we can reduce my sessions down to twice a week. I don’t feel relieved by the idea, like I thought I would. Sort of scares me, be honest.”

Horatio nodded. “I think your therapist has a good read on the whole situation though, Frank,” he said. “You seem more relaxed than you have in the time I’ve known you. I think that you might even be able to start dating again, given enough time to work through the rest of your feelings towards Ryan.”

“I don’t know that I want to date anyone, Horatio,” Frank admitted. “Not because I’m still in love with Ryan. I always will be, but I know that love isn’t going anywhere. It’s because I’m scared I’m going to hurt someone else, and I don’t want to do that.”

“And that’s honorable of you, Frank,” Horatio said. “At the same time though, you can’t let fear keep you alone for the rest of your life. I had to take the same step to let someone into my life, and it’s one of the scariest moments I think you’re ever going to face. Once you do, it gets easier.”

“I know you’re always going to be watching me though, Horatio,” Frank said. 

“I will, but I also have faith that you know what you’re doing now and you have people to talk to that you trust to listen and help you when you start feeling panicked,” Horatio said. “Let’s imagine this, Frank. Ryan wasn’t the man you hurt so badly. He’s the one that you want to start dating now, after everything is over and done. You would still have the same fears and questions about a same sex relationship, but now you have people to talk to. Will you be able to ask those questions, or are you going to keep everything buried and hurt your new partner?”

Frank sighed. “Right now I want to say that I’d ask, but I don’t know if I really would or not,” he said. “It’s always possible that I’ll go back to hiding my problems again.”

“The fact that you know that, Frank, shows that you’ve progressed a long way,” Horatio said. “That shows and tells me that you know yourself better than you did before everything happened. I also know a man that is thinking it might be worth it to ask you out on a date, so that’s why I asked. You need to be thinking towards your future, Frank.”

“What? Who?”

“That’s for him to reveal when he chooses to,” Horatio said. “He knows you’re still healing too, so he wants to give you that time before he says or does anything.”

“Hell, Horatio, there’s only one guy knows everything,” Frank said. “You are not trying to tell me that Rick Stetler wants to ask me out on a date, are you?”

Horatio glanced over at Frank. “If I was, Frank?”

“He’s IAB.”

“A fact I’m only too aware of,” Horatio said with a small grin. “At the same time, Frank, he’s a man that is aware of everything you’ve been through and is still interested in talking to you on a more personal level. I don’t know if he ever will, but think about it for me, okay?”

“I don’t know what all I have to think about, but I’ll try,” Frank said. “I gotta get back in, Horatio. We on for lunch today?”

“As long as a case doesn’t break, yes,” Horatio said. He stayed where he was on the sidewalk and watched Frank walk back towards the department. “What do you think, Rick?”

Stetler stepped out from behind the large palm he’d been standing behind. “I think I don’t know if I should thank you or shoot you, Horatio Caine,” he said.

“At least he’ll think about it, Rick,” Horatio said. “He’s come a long way, but he needs someone else in his life that knows the truth and can see him for who he is. No one in the lab can do that.”

“They can only see Ryan and what happened to him,” Rick said with a sigh. “I’ll talk to Frank about his appointments and see if he wants to talk to me as an alternative.”

“Be good to him, Rick,” Horatio said. “Ryan’s not the only one asking a lot of painful questions about himself.”

“You’re right about that,” Stetler agreed.


	54. Chapter 54

Horatio wasn't surprised when Ryan went right to the bathroom and a long shower when they got home from work that evening. He'd had to face down people that scared him before, and Horatio knew that feeling clean wasn't always as easy as soap and water. Horatio sighed and followed Ryan to the back of the house. "Hey, I know you want to feel clean again, Ryan, but please don't turn the water on hot enough to hurt yourself," he said softly. "There are other ways to make you feel clean that won't hurt you."

"How do I do it, Horatio?" Ryan asked. He sank down onto the shower floor and wrapped his arms around his legs. "How do I get rid of this fear that's lodges in my heart like a block of ice?"

"There's no easy answer for that, Ryan," Horatio replied. "Do you want to dry off and talk out in the living room?"

"Sure, I'll be right out," Ryan said.

"Take your time, just please don't scald yourself," Horatio said. "I'll come check on you in a bit, but I'll start dinner while you're in the shower."

"Thanks, H."

"That's why I'm here, Ryan," Horatio said.

Horatio went back out to change into a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt before heading out into the kitchen to see what he could cook to tempt Ryan to eat for the first time that evening. The two-type of meal a day plan seemed to be working to a limited degree, but Horatio also knew that a lot of Ryan's weight came from muscle, and with him not going to the gym, the weight loss wasn't as severe as the doctors were worried about.

When Ryan finally appeared from the back of the house, his skin was pink and he was in a pair of sleep-pants and a long-sleeved tee. "How did you know I was thinking about a super hot shower?" he asked, sitting down at the table.

"Because I've been there, Ryan," Horatio said. He brought the plates to the table. "I've never been attacked like you were, but I've felt violated so badly that I spent a whole day in the shower, even after the water started running cold because I couldn't bring myself to feel clean again. Tim Speedle was the one that came and got me out, dried off, and into bed. He stayed with me until I was able to cry, talk, and start to heal again."

"I wish I could have known him," Ryan said. "I know my words and actions didn't always show that, but I've come to realize how good Speedle was at trace. Eric talks about him sometimes, still. I think I would have liked him."

Horatio smiled. "Tim was a very special man, one that you had to look underneath the layers to truly understand, and if he trusted you enough to allow you to do that, then you were truly blessed," he said. "His sense of humor was unusual, and he had a very darkly tinted outlook on live, but he also had a huge heart. I miss him every day."

"You guys were close, weren't you?" Ryan asked. "Eric told me that the pair of you would work together a lot."

"We were. I understood Tim and he understood me," Horatio replied. "Can you manage two more bites for me, Ryan?"

Ryan looked down at his plate and was surprised to see most of his smaller meal was already gone. "I didn't realize I'd eaten that much. Is that a good thing, Horatio?"

"It might be. We'll have to see how you feel after your second meal tonight," Horatio said. "Do you want a smoothie or second time on this?"

"Smoothie, please," Ryan said. "I'm not sure if it's helping me sleep better or not, but I like having the smoothie at night. Do you think I'll be able to put the weight back on?"

"I think that a lot of the weight you've lost was muscle, which weighs more than fat," Horatio said. "Until you feel ready to return to the gym to work out, you won't be able to gain back your pre-injury weight, but I don't think you really want to. I think we need to get you to a new healthy normal weight until you're ready to resume your regular regime."

"I don't know if that will ever happen," Ryan said. "I'm still just so tired."

"That's to be expected, and I think we need to start walking a little after dinner and before bedtime to try and get your energy levels up a little," Horatio said. "I'd honestly like to see you not nap during the day if we can work towards that goal."

"I'm still not sure what's waking me up," Ryan said with a sigh. "I'm expecting nightmares tonight, Horatio. Seeing Frank again, even with you between us, it scared me."

Horatio reached over and put his hand over Ryan's. "I know it did, Ryan. I know it did. We're going to talk before bedtime, and I'll be there to help you out with any nightmares that come to you tonight," he said. "If we end up all night, then we'll manage the morning when it comes."

Ryan managed a smile. "Thanks, H."


End file.
